


Like A Bird In The Winter

by SmileyTwee



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Band Fic, Beating, Blow Jobs, Bottom Niall, Caught, Chaptered, Choking, Eating Disorders, Everyone wants to help Niall, Fear, First Time, Forced, Forced Orgasm, Friendship, Harry helps Niall, Help, Helpless, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Innocent Niall, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Narry - Freeform, Niall Has An Eating Disorder, Pain, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rescue, Shock, Top Zayn, Triggers, Unrequited Love, Virginity, Worry, Zayn hurts Niall, Zayn is an arsehole, Zayn rapes Niall, disgust, the boys are worried, ziall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-10 18:49:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4403180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmileyTwee/pseuds/SmileyTwee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the people you trust the most are also the ones who hurt you the most. When Zayn tells Niall that he's in love with him, everything changes. He forces himself onto Niall and just takes what he proclaims as his. Very soon everyone notices that something is obviously wrong.</p><p>or Zayn rapes Niall and Niall just wants to be rescued by Harry.</p><p>or Zayn is a violent piece of shit and knows how to hide it ... most of the time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Like A Bird In The Winter**

„Niall? I … I need to talk to you.“ Zayn put his glasses down and his book away. He was facing Niall as he sat on his bed, a meter away from Niall's own bed. Niall arched his eyebrows. What did Zayn want?  
“Sure, mate. What is it?” He closed the Twitter-App and placed his phone on the nightstand next to his bed. Zayn stood up and stepped over to Niall's bed. He looked a little bit insecure. The blonde offered him to sit next to him and Zayn crawled onto the mattress. He looked down, to Niall he didn't seem as if he wanted to talk.  
“So what is it? What do you need to talk about?”  
“It's not easy.”  
“Just say it.” Now Niall was really curious. Normally Zayn wasn't that type of person who made a big deal out of things to talk about. So it had to be interesting.  
“Okay. It – It's really not easy to tell you. But I feel that way for a while now and I can't keep it in any longer.” He played with his hands in his lap and didn't look up. He seemed so scared and Niall wanted to comfort him, show him that he was there for him. So he laid his hands on Zayn's, made him stop fumbling around with his fingers. Now Zayn looked up, smiled shyly at his best friend.  
“Niall, I really wouldn't say it if I wasn't really sure about it, okay?”  
Niall nodded. “Yeah, okay. So … what is it?”  
“I – I love you, Niall.” Zayn whispered, but didn't look away this time. Niall felt his heart sink and his whole body clenched.  
“You – you love me?” His voice sounded throaty and was shaking slightly. He couldn't believe what he just heard. And he didn't know what to answer. He didn't love Zayn back. He loved someone else. And he couldn't just swallow these feelings. Zayn was his best friend, nothing more. Even though he wasn't with the one he loved, he had hope. And he wouldn't give up on this.  
“Yes.” Coughed Zayn and looked at him pleadingly.  
“I'm sorry, Zayn but … I don't feel the same. I'm really sorry.” And he was sorry. He really was. But that couldn't change anything.  
Zayn closed his eyes but couldn't stop a tear slipping under his eyelid and wetting his cheek. “You could try. Niall, please. You could develop feelings. I know there is something.”  
Niall sighed. “No, Zayn. I'm sorry but I'm afraid I'd never have this kind of feelings for you.”  
Zayn shook his head. Slowly at first, than faster and faster. He seemed angry out of a sudden and wiped his tear away. He bit his lower lip and his whole face changed, he didn't look pleading any longer, his face was hard and full of anger as he glanced at Niall again.  
“Niall you have feelings for me. Don't deny it. I know it!”  
Niall was astonished. Normally Zayn was so nice and he never looked the way he did right now. What was wrong? He pulled his hand back and looked at him confused. “Zayn, honestly, I don't deny anything. I'm sorry.”  
“NO!” Zayn's voice was hard, just like his whole face. He turned to Niall and took his hand back forcefully. “You do have feelings for me. I fucking know it. I'll show you!” And with these words he dragged the blonde one forward and against his body. He caught Niall's lips and pressed a violent kiss on his mouth. Niall was in shock. It took him a second to react. Then he started to push Zayn away, or at least he tried. Zayn was strong. And Niall's pushing only caused Zayn to press him backwards into the sheets.  
Niall turned his head away. “Stop it, Zayn! I don't want it.”  
“Shut it! I'll show you how much you love me.”  
Niall began to panic when he felt Zayn's hand sliding down his body and palming him through his sweatpants. He tried to push him off again, but without success. He had no chance to get away. His eyes filled with tears. What was happening right now? He couldn't believe it. Everything seemed so surreal when Zayn pulled his pants down, together with his boxers.  
He squirmed beneath him. “Please Zayn. Stop it. Now. I want you to stop.”  
But Zayn didn't stop though. “No Niall. You love me. I know it. I'll show you. You'll like it.”  
Niall didn't like it. He didn't like when Zayn's fingers found their way down to his crotch and took him into his hand. He didn't like when he got aroused. And he didn't like when Zayn started moving his hand, touching the pink tip with his thumb.  
Niall wiggled his hip, started to get away, he didn't like his friend's hand wrapped around his dick, even though it felt good. His body maybe liked it but it wasn't what Niall wanted.  
He grabbed Zayn's hand and wanted to pull it off him when there was a hard punch into his stomach and his hand got slapped away. He coughed. His stomach hurt and the shock was sitting deep inside his limbs. What was happening right now?  
“Don't stop me, Niall. I said, I'll show you. So let me the fuck show you how much you love me.” Zayn's voice didn't allow any kind of contradiction. And Niall knew it. He could still feel it in his stomach. He would try to stop him again, though. It hurt too much. He couldn't just lay here and bear it.  
Soon his cock was leaking precum, but he didn't enjoy it. Zayn was still moving his hand up and down his shaft. Watching Niall in awe get more and more aroused. Until he was close to orgasm. Niall tried to turn away, didn't want to cum from Zayn's hand. He tried to kick Zayn away, wanted to buck against Zayn's touches. But Zayn only pressed his hip down into the mattress, hold him in place. His stomach and hip still hurt from the hard punch, but his cock started throbbing. Niall already thought I'd be over soon, he was so close and maybe Zayn would stop when Niall came. But suddenly Zayn stopped. Instead of touching his dick, he let his hand slip lower. He let his finger slide over Niall's perineum and even further until his fingertip made contact with Niall's entrance. Niall jerked back. He didn't want Zayn to touch him there. He was horrified. Zayn wasn't about to really have sex with him, was he? He wouldn't do it, not without Niall's consent. But … Zayn maybe was already thinking he'd have Niall's consent. So there was nothing to stop him anymore. Except from Niall. He had to try. “No!” He spit out, his voice shaking from arousal and fear.  
Zayn pulled back and stood up. Niall looked at him irritated. What was he doing? Was he stopping? Was it that easy? Zayn turned around and went to his suitcase. He kneeled down and Niall watched him pulling something out.  
Niall sat up, quickly jumping off the bed. He couldn't be sure that Zayn was about to stop. He had to leave this room immediately. This was his chance. He started running to the door and reached the handle, wanted to open his only way to escape but he wasn't fast enough.  
Zayn was right behind him, he ran into him, pressed him against the door with so much strength. Niall's head collided with the plain wood and his vision became blurry. There were black spots dancing in front of his eyes and he felt dizzy.  
Zayn's erection was pressing against his bum and he yelped. “No!” He tried to scream but his voice was breathy. He cleared his throat and this time his voice obeyed. “NO! HELP. PLEASE. HEEEELP!”  
Zayn's fist crashed against his back and he yanked the thin boy away from the door. “Shut the fuck up! I've got the feeling that I've to show you how much you love me properly now! And I swear, if you scream again, you'll regret it!” Grunted Zayn and Niall could barely see his piercing eyes when he was thrown back onto the bed again. He felt so sick and dizzy. Everything in front of him was wiggling. His limbs were weak, there was no power left to fight Zayn off again when the dark-haired sat next to the trembling body.  
Tears were streaming down Niall's face now, he heard Zayn plop the tube open. He looked away, didn't want to see what Zayn was about to do now. It was enough to _feel_ Zayn pushing his fingers into his tight whole. It was enough to _feel_ the pain shoot through his body. It was enough to _feel_ how he clenched all over because he didn't want this to happen. And it was absolutely enough to _feel_ Zayn entering him with his huge cock, without permission and even though he could see that Niall didn't like it. His body hurt so much.  
But he had no chance to react because Zayn started pounding into him. And Niall felt disgust when he got more and more aroused. He felt Zayn slamming into his prostate and knew his cock was leaking even more precum. He was about to cum and couldn't held back a deep moan any longer. It was hurting though. So much. But for some reason he wasn't able to cry. Not really at least. The feelings were mixed and simply too much.  
He came with a loud moan a few seconds later and shoot his load over his still hurting stomach. A single tear run over his cheek and he sniffled when he felt Zayn filling him up and finally pulling out. He collapsed onto his body, panting and sweating.  
And that was the moment when Niall was able to start crying. The tears were now streaming down his face and his lip was trembling. He sobbed quietly when he realized what had just happened. He had lost his virginity to Zayn. And it wasn't meant for Zayn to deflower him. He had wanted Harry to do it. He loved Harry. And now it was too late. Harry could never do it. And the realization hit Niall hard. He had been to slowly. He should have told Harry earlier. Now he couldn't anymore. It was too late and he was so ashamed.  
He started to sob loudly when Zayn stood up from the bed and turned off the lights. At least Zayn wasn't touching him anymore.  
“You don't have to cry, love. I just wanted to turn off the light. I'll come back to you, don't worry.” And Zayn came back. Almost immediately. Niall couldn't move when he felt Zayn embrace him with his arms. He was pulled against Zayn's sweaty body again and felt the disgust return. He sniveled again and Zayn started stoking his back and kissed his lips again.  
“Don't you cry, love. You know it wasn't just sex for me. You mean so much to me and I'm pretty sure you understand that you've got the same feelings for me, as I have for you. Mhm. Babe, I love you so much.”  
He kissed him again, pecked his lips and then slid his tongue into Niall's mouth for a few seconds until he pulled Niall's head onto his chest.  
“You should sleep now. It's been an exhausting day.”  
Niall could hear him smile. He was sure he couldn't sleep pressed against Zayn. He actually just wanted to run away. He wanted to hide. He wanted to lay in Harry's arms right now. Wanted him to comfort him. But Zayn would never let him go. Never, he knew. Even though Zayn seemed nice again, he wasn't. And Niall was so scared. He didn't know what to do. He just had to wait and see what would happen tomorrow. But until then he had to bite his feelings away and had to try to sleep. Even though it seemed impossible to him. He had to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Niall woke up the next morning with a sharp pain in his back. It immediately reminded him of what had happened last night. He wanted to sit up and leave the bed everything had happened in, but he couldn't. An arm was slung around his waist and kept him in position. He turned around, still half asleep, to look who it was and met Zayn's brown eyes. Fear crept through his limbs and caused goosebumps developing on his neck.  
Zayn smiled tenderly at him and leaned forward. He pressed a kiss to Niall's lips, which were opened in shock. Niall was taken by surprise, his sleepy brain didn't help at all, and he couldn't react to what happened currently. So he let Zayn snog him, too scared to push him away, anyway.  
Zayn rolled on top of him and made Niall aware of the fact, that he was still naked. He could feel the older boy's body press against his maltreated skin and whined in pain as he felt Zayn roll over the spot he had hit him yesterday. He had to be blue and swollen by now. Zayn broke the kiss and pulled a few inches away.  
“Did I hurt you?” He sounded startled, if not worried. Niall didn't answer. He was scared to say something wrong so he kept quiet. “Niall? Answer me. Are you in pain?”  
He rolled off him and looked at him now truly worried. He pulled the blankets away and looked over Niall's whole body. He took a sharp breath as his eyes met the bruise he caused on the blonde's hip. “Shit, Niall, I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. I promise. I just … I wanted you to realize that you love me.”  
He looked back at Niall's face, but the younger didn't notice. His eyes were closed and he had to concentrate on breathing evenly. Only to feel Zayn's eyes gather over every part of his body was filling him with disgust and memories of last night. Zayn seemed so nice again, more himself, but his words clearly showed that Niall haven't had imagined the happenings.  
He didn't know what held him from running away and telling someone about it, he just couldn't. Maybe it was because Zayn was still his friend, maybe it was his own embarrassment, or the fact that he actually let it happen. Maybe it was the fear, still creeping through his veins. He didn't know and it didn't make a difference anyway. He wouldn't tell. And he wouldn't run away. He couldn't.  
Zayn gently touched his cheek. “Open your eyes, love.”  
Niall obeyed. He didn't know why, he just did. His eyes met Zayn's and he could see him smile slightly again. “Good.” Zayn whispered and caressed Niall's skin with his smooth fingertips, not breaking the eye-contact.  
“Just look at you. So beautiful, so perfect. Mine, Niall. You're mine. I love you so much.” Zayn nuzzled his face into the crook of Niall's neck and kissed the flushed skin. Niall squirmed. He didn't want Zayn to nibble at his skin. He didn't want Zayn to touch him at all. A whimper slipped though his lips and let Zayn stop again.  
“You're really in pain, aren't you? I'm so sorry, I … shit.” Zayn's glimpse travelled down Niall's pale body and stopped suddenly. “Niall, you've got to tell me where it hurt.”  
He took Niall's face in hands, cupped his cheeks with his palms and looked so worried. Niall didn't like it. It made him feel horrible. It was Zayn who caused his pain and he had done it on purpose and now he pretended not to know about it. That hurt more than anything else. Well, almost. If there wasn't the pain between his bum cheeks.  
He squirmed under Zayn intense glimpse. “Please tell me, Niall, I need to know. Does it hurt down there?”  
Niall closed his eyes again and sniffled quietly. Actually he didn't want to tell Zayn, but the pain was bad. He had to tell. He couldn't go through the day with his bum hurting like that. Maybe Zayn knew something to do against the pain. So he nodded slightly, enough for Zayn to see.  
Zayn's eyes widened. He looked down again, then back at Niall's face.  
“Please don't tell me that it was your first time this way.” He sounded afraid, shocked, unbelieving.  
Niall's answer was a stifled sob and enough for Zayn to understand.  
“Fuck. If I had known I would've been more careful. I'm sorry.” He pressed an excusing kiss to Niall's lip and started to caress Niall's cheek again. “I've to look if something's bleeding, okay? I'll be careful.”  
Niall nodded again. He felt so damn uncomfortable and honestly … he would have preferred to let almost everyone else looking if he was bleeding, but he couldn't. No one should know what had happened here. So it had to be Zayn. And even though he wanted to vomit as he saw Zayn slipping down on the mattress to be on eye-level with Niall's bum, he kept quiet. He was shaking, no doubt, but no sound left his mouth. Zayn turned him carefully on the side and Niall closed his eyes, endured it and didn't move away from Zayn's hands touching him.  
It was over soon. Zayn came back up and kissed Niall's cheek again. “Nothing's damaged. You're okay. I think it's going to hurt at least today, though. But not too bad, I hope.” He pressed his lips together, forming them to a thin slit. “I'm really sorry, Niall. Do you forgive me?”  
Niall didn't move. He didn't want to forgive Zayn. He couldn't, because what he had done to him was too horrible, to painful and to traumatic. But he nodded, tears wetting his cheeks again. He was scared. If he wouldn't at least pretend to forgive Zayn … what would he do? Niall saw what he was capable of, he didn't want to know what he could do in addition. He didn't want Zayn to repeat his action from yesterday. So he left it with nodding.  
“Thank you, love.” Zayn pressed another kiss to Niall's lips and pulled away completely then. “We've to get ready for breakfast now.”  
Niall sniffled once again and stood up carefully. Zayn helped him under the shower, washed his body, even though Niall had told him that he was able to do it on his one. Zayn had insisted on helping him, so Niall didn't dissent again and just let Zayn do whatever he wanted. It was too late anyway. Zayn already had had him. What else could happen?  
He got dressed, again with Zayn's help and together they left the hotel room. Niall only wanted to be alone, but it was impossible. He was in a band with four other boys, how could he be alone there? He didn't want the others to question his behaviour, so he tried to act as normal as possible, even though he only wanted to cry when his eyes met Harry's for the first time, after what had happened. He felt as if he had cheated on him, even though he actually could never do that and he actually wasn't with Harry at all.  
He sat down next to Liam, Zayn took the place in front of him and smiled fondly at him. Niall looked down quickly and started playing with his knife. He scratched it over the plate and drew invisible pattens until a hand brushing over his fingers stopped him. He looked up, puzzled and looked right into Zayn's brown eyes.  
“Be careful, you could cut your finger.”  
Niall blinked and dropped the knife. He nodded and pulled his hand away. He didn't want Zayn to touch him in front of the other boys. He didn't want Zayn to touch him at all, but he couldn't say that right now. Not with the others around. Probably he'd tell Zayn later. Depended on how he's acting today. If he keeps being nice, there wouldn't be a reason not to tell him.  
Maybe … everything was just a misunderstanding? Niall knew that it wasn't, but he wanted it to be. He couldn't imagine why his best friend would like to torture him like that.

The breakfast had been unusually quiet. Or at least Niall didn't really pay attention if the others were talking. He was lost in his thoughts, wondering if he could move in with one of the others, without making them too curious. Maybe he should just move to Liam without even asking. He couldn't stay in his room. Not with Zayn.  
Yes, he'd pack his things right after the breakfast. If someone was going to ask, he just wouldn't answer. Maybe he could avoid their questions.  
“Niall, are you alright? You're so quiet.” Louis asked loudly and caught Niall off guard. He wasn't paying attention at all.  
“What?” He looked up, questioning and saw three pairs of eyes directed at him, worried. Zayn didn't look worried, his expression was … threatening? Was it really threatening? Yes, it was. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were piercing again.  
“Are you alright?” Louis repeated his question and Niall quickly nodded.  
“Yes … yes, of course.”  
Zayn's facial muscles relaxed.  
“Why're you so quiet then?” Liam asked, his face still worried.  
Niall swallowed hard. “I didn't sleep well last night.” That wasn't even a lie.  
He darted a glance at Zayn again and this time he was smiling. As if Niall had done something right. But it wasn't a proud smile, it was a winning smile, he was satisfied, Niall could tell.  
“'Kay. So what are you guys up to today?” Liam asked, this time addressed to everyone of them.  
“Well, since it's our day off, I thought we could probably play some FiFa or just chill?” Harry suggested, even though everyone knew he really preferred the second option.  
“Actually Niall and I wanted to spend the day together. Would you guys get along without us?” Zayn said and Niall winced. Zayn must be joking. He really couldn't believe that Niall wanted to spend the day alone with him. Not after what had happened. But maybe … and that was even more horrible, maybe he didn't care.  
“What? Why? I thought we'd do something together. Niall? You said so yesterday.” Harry looked hurt. He didn't seem to like the idea of not spending the day with Niall at all. And Niall didn't like the idea of spending the day without Harry either, to be honest.  
“I … uhm.” He didn't know what to say. “Maybe we can spend half of the day together?” He suggested and didn't feel comfortable. He wouldn't spend half of the day with Zayn alone. He'd pack his things the very moment he'd reach his room. He didn't dare to look at Zayn this time. He knew he was angry anyway. And it scared him.  
So when they finished breakfast he sprinted upstairs, he didn't even bother to wait for the elevator since their room was on the second floor. He pulled his keycard out and opened the door as soon as he reached it. He had to be quick. He didn't want to be confronted with Zayn's bad mood. He was in a bad mood, Niall knew.  
He grabbed his things and crammed them into his suitcase. The door behind him flew open and he jumped in shock. Fuck. He wasn't quick enough.  
“What are you doing?” Zayn pressed out between his teeth.  
“I'm packing.” He answered quietly and grabbed his charger. He didn't even see Zayn's hand coming when it yanked the charger out of his hand and through it against the wall. He bristled with rage and turned around to Niall again.  
Instinctively Niall took a step back, but too late. Zayn reached forward and put his hands around Niall's throat.  
“You little shit. What was that? You're packing? You want to leave me? FORGET IT!” He screamed the last word and pushed Niall backwards against the wall. Niall hissed in pain. His bum was still hurting and he couldn't absorb the punch coming next.  
Zayn hit his stomach again and Niall got on his knees. He couldn't help himself up. He coughed and whimpered. He was expecting the next punch to come, but instead Zayn kneeled in front of him.  
He yanked Niall's body forward and lifted his head up by almost tearing his hair out. Niall's eyes were swimming in tears again. As if he wouldn't have cried enough already.  
“You're not going to leave me. You're mine, just like I said.” He smiled noxiously sweet and let his hand glide through Niall's blonde hair. “And now touch me.”  
Niall hiccuped. What did Zayn just say? He should touch him? Like really touch him? What was he doing, beating him up and then wanted to be touched? That was crazy.  
“I said TOUCH ME!” His voice was loader now and Niall got so scared. Everything was hurting already and he was so afraid Zayn would further again if he didn't obey, so he started fumbling with Zayn's zipper. He could feel Zayn's hard erection against his fingers and wanted to vomit. He couldn't believe that the torture from yesterday was going on. It didn't stop by now and he was scared that it never would.  
“Go on.” Zayn grunted, grabbed his wrist. He squeezed it firm and made Niall open the jeans and pulling it down. Zayn helped him, let his hand slip under the fabric and got his hard, throbbing cock out.  
A single tear dropped onto the hot flesh and Zayn looked up. “Hush, there's no need to cry. You'll like it, just like last night.” It sounded more like a threat than a reassurance to Niall. He wouldn't like it, he knew, but he had to. Zayn said so.  
He sniffled when Zayn pulled his hand closer to the precum leaking cock. “Touch it!”  
Niall did. It sickened him but he was too afraid to refuse the harsh grip. Zayn's tightened around his wrist even more and made him pump up and down the shaft. It was so disgusting. He didn't want to touch Zayn. But the raven wouldn't let him stop. So he kept moving. Up and down, faster and faster. He closed his eyes, didn't want to see Zayn's cock in front of his eyes becoming even thicker and leaking more and more precum until he came. All over Niall's hand. Reflexively, he wanted to recoil but Zayn hold his hand in place.  
“Wait!” The cum dripped over Niall's hand, warm and sticky. “Lick it off.” Zayn demanded and Niall felt his heart sink in his chest.  
“What?” He asked with a breaking voice as if he had misheard. He didn't. Of course.  
“Lick it off!” Repeated Zayn and dragged Niall's hand to his mouth.  
Niall shook his head without thinking about it. He didn't want Zayn's cum in his mouth. He didn't even want it on his hand. How could he lick it then?  
A slap hit him in the face. Not hard enough to leave bruises, but hard enough to make Niall yelp in pain and shock.  
“Lick it or I swear I'll fuck your sore, little ass straightaway!”  
Niall jerked under Zayn's words. He couldn't let that happen again. He had to take the lesser of the two evils. So he licked over his cumstained finger, slowly, hesitating and almost vomiting at Zayn's taste.  
“Tell me how much you like eating my cum, you little cumslut!” Zayn demanded and Niall sobbed.  
“I like your cum.” He whispered hoarse.  
“Go on then. Lick it off. All of it.”  
Niall nodded trembling and kept on licking it off his fingers. “Good.” Zayn said when Niall finished licking off the last drop. He was pulled onto his 'friends' lap and suddenly there were lips pressed against his own shaking ones.  
“Mhm let me taste my cum on your tongue.” Zayn mumbled against his bottom lip until he captured his lips again and slid his tongue into Niall's warm mouth cavity. Niall really wanted to throw up. He had the feeling that all of what just had happened was a punishment. A punishment for him packing up his things and wanting to leave. He wouldn't try again. At least not with packing his things. Maybe he could fall asleep in one of the other boys' room. Maybe he was lucky and they wouldn't wake him up and just let him sleep there. He had to try. He had to try to spent as much time with the others as possible. He couldn't be alone. Zayn would be with him immediately. And he wouldn't stop.  
Niall was still too scared and embarrassed to tell anyone. But that didn't mean he had to take it. Not all of it. He won't put up resistance, but he won't make it too easy for Zayn either. He had to try to make it has hard as possible for Zayn, just not obvious.


	3. Chapter 3

After spending almost an hour with Zayn, there was a knock on the door. Niall was laying on Zayn's bed on which the black-haired had placed him. They've been laying there the whole time, Niall hugged by Zayn and rough hands stroking his back and petting his dyed hair. It wasn't hurting, but it was mental abuse though. Niall didn't want to be touched by Zayn at all, but he was too scared to leave without his permission.  
Maybe one of the boys came now to rescue him. He hoped so. Zayn stood up and opened the door. Louis stood there in the doorframe. He glanced in the room and spotted Niall on the bed.  
“Wow, lads, that's like the best party I've ever seen.” He said sarcastically and pushed Zayn aside. Then he sprinted to the bed and jumped, he landed directly next to Niall.  
Niall was so thankful for Louis' loud behaviour, Louis was not the type of person who let anyone tell him what to do. Otherwise Zayn would have fobbed him off already. “Seriously, how come you haven't died from boredom yet?” Louis asked with a cheeky smile on his lip and looked from Niall to Zayn.  
A diabolic grin formed on Zayn's face and he walked to the bed. “Oh we know how to keep us occupied.” He crawled on the bed and let himself fall onto Niall, rested his chin on Niall's chest. “Don't we?” He looked deep into the blonde's eyes and Niall felt threatened again. So he nodded. He kind of knew that Zayn wanted him to agree.   
“Yeah.” He croaked out. Zayn's eyes became too piercing so he quickly looked away and met Louis' confused glimpse. The boy from Doncaster lifted his eyebrows and blinked a few times.  
“'Kay. What did I miss?” He seemed pretty curious.  
“Nothing.” Zayn said and smirked. “Shall we play FiFa now?”  
Louis, still looking questioning, nodded slightly and got up from the bed.

Niall was the first one putting his controller away. Even before Harry did. Normally he was the one begging for one more game … and one more game. But not this time. He simply wasn't in the mood for FiFa. Not when his 'real life' was absolutely not going on as he wanted it to. Zayn was at the mini-bar getting new drinks for all of them. Niall wasn't thirsty but when Zayn came back, he handed him a coke.  
“Thanks.” He murmured quietly and took it, placing it on the table in front of him right away. He followed Zayn with his eyes, wondering what he was up to. He didn't sit back next to Niall, like he had before. No, he climbed behind him, spread his legs and sat between Niall and the backrest. Before Niall could react to it, he was pulled back, against Zayn's body and Zayn didn't hesitate and rested his head on Niall's shoulder. He clenched. Why couldn't Zayn at least stop touching him, when the others were around? He didn't want Harry (who was sitting right next to him) to see, how Zayn was behaving and how he touched him. He wanted to tell Harry, that he didn't want it, that it was Zayn who started all of it, but he couldn't. He knew that Zayn would throw a wobbly the moment they were alone again. So he kept quiet.  
He could feel the others glancing at them, they didn't say a word. Not yet. But when Zayn rejected to play the next game and started kissing Niall's neck instead, they didn't keep their mouths shut at all.  
“Okay, what the hell his going on? I want to know. NOW!” Louis demanded with a loud voice and looked at them curiously. He was sitting on Niall's other side and lifted his eyebrows again. Liam put his controller away, too and bit his lower lip, obviously deep in his thoughts. But Niall could see that he wanted to know about the new situation just as bad as Louis did.  
Zayn didn't bother to stop sucking on Niall's neck and Niall squirmed slightly under his lips. He felt uncomfortable the whole time. Didn't want anyone to see Zayn's lips on his body. He could feel his eyes swimming in tears again and didn't want anything more than pushing Zayn off and running away, as far as he could.  
“Honestly Niall, Zayn, what is going on?” Liam wanted to know but again, Zayn didn't say a word. Niall couldn't open his mouth. He was sure that the only thing coming out, would have been a whimper. So he remained quiet, stiff in Zayn's arms and trying his best not to break down and cry. Zayn was starting to nibble at his neck now and it send little flashes of fear through Niall's body. He had to close his eyes to concentrate. He was sure otherwise he would have started screaming immediately.  
“Okay, that's it.” Louis said and suddenly Niall felt a hand on his arm as he was yanked away from Zayn. He wanted to kiss Louis for saving him or at least for interrupting the torture.  
“Ey. Louis why're you doing that?” Zayn pouted but Niall could tell that he was angry. And he knew that he had to crawl back to Zayn now, otherwise he would be punched again later.  
So he wound out of Louis' limp arms and got back between Zayn's legs. Disgust for himself hit him hard in the face as he felt Zayn clutching him again. Why was he so weak? He could have stayed with Louis.  
“Tell us, finally.” Louis demanded again and this time he looked a little bit pressuring.  
“What shall we tell them, Niall?” Zayn cooed into Niall's ear and Niall shrugged. He knew it wasn't his choice anyway. His eyes were directed on the carpet to his feet and he didn't dare to look up again.   
“What about the truth? Why are you kissing, Niall? And why did I find the both of you cuddling in your room when I came in?”  
Niall bit his lip, he had an vague idea of what Zayn was going to tell them. And it was anything else but the truth. Wasn't it? Maybe that was exactly what Zayn forced him into. A relationship. A relationship Niall absolutely didn't want. But Zayn seemed to want nothing else. He told him that he loved him and he pretended that Niall was in love as well. So maybe Zayn actually thought that they were in a relationship. He had to clarify it with him later.  
“The truth?” Zayn said smiling and bit into Niall's neck again. Niall winced, but didn't pull away.  
“Yes, the truth. Why are you … hell Zayn, would you stop that for a second?” Liam pointed at Niall's neck and didn't seem amused.  
“Fine. We're dating. Are you happy now? May I go on coddling my boyfriend?” Zayn sounded slightly annoyed. But that wasn't what made Niall pull away this time. Harry was jumping from the couch and, without a word he rushed out of the room.  
Niall couldn't let Zayn touch him again this time. He couldn't even try to act as if he liked it at all, he had to talk to Harry. Now. He had to know why Harry was running away.  
So without looking back, he followed the curly boy out of the door.

He searched in Harry's at first and found him immediately. Harry hadn't closed the door properly so Niall could enter without knocking. Harry was sitting on his bed, face in his hands. He didn't seem to be crying, but one definitely couldn't describe him as happy either.  
Niall took the place next to Harry and put an arm around the younger boy's shoulders. “Why did you run away?” He asked, his voice sounded thin.  
“Why didn't you tell me about Zayn? I thought … you're my friend Niall, you could've told me.” Harry looked up, his eyes were wet and sad.  
“'M sorry. I just … I don't know.” Of course he didn't know. He wasn't with Zayn. Actually. But he couldn't tell Harry. He just couldn't.  
“Since when … I mean, when did it start?”  
“Uhm.” What should he say now? What would Zayn want him to say? And did that count anyway? He didn't want to lie. And he didn't want to say what Zayn probably wanted him to say. He just wanted to tell the truth. Not completely, because he couldn't, but at least a little bit.  
“Yesterday. It started yesterday.” He whispered. And how it started yesterday. It had been the most horrible night, he was sure. Nothing could ever compare to what had happened yesterday. Never. Or at least, he hoped so.  
“Yesterday?” Harry's voice was shaking, as he looked directly into Niall's blue eyes. And there was something in his eyes Niall couldn't quite tell what it was. Regret, grief? Both of it? And why was it in his eyes?   
He just nodded, wasn't able to say anything else about it. Harry was so close. It let his heart beat so high. He needed Harry so much. He needed him to go through all of this. He wanted him by his side, wanted to protect him, but also wanted to be protected. After all that had happened in less than twenty-four hours, he needed Harry even more. His feelings for him had not changed a bit. His heart still started to flutter when he sat next to him, there were still goosebumps on his skin when he looked in Harry's eyes.  
“Yesterday.” Harry repeated quietly and interrupted the eye-contact for a few seconds. Then he met Niall's eyes again, and forced a smile on his lips. “And I thought … never mind.” He shook his head.  
“What?” Niall was confused. “What did you think?”  
“No, it's nothing.” There was a single tear, falling from Harry's eyelashes down into his lap, as he blinked. The forced smile still plastered onto his face. “If you're happy, it's okay. I mean, I only want you to be happy and if it's him who makes you happy … okay. I just … I didn't know that it was him. I didn't know you wanted him the whole time. It's okay. You love him, so I'll support you. He … you want him, don't you?” Harry was rambling. But he didn't interrupt the eye-contact this time. His eyes were still teary and he absolutely didn't look happy at all.  
And his words … well they set something up in Niall's head he couldn't quite tell what it was. But it caused him to make his (probably) biggest mistake so far … or maybe the most right thing ever in his life. He leaned in and kissed Harry. Only slightly, without any pressure. There were just two pairs of lips touching. And it was perfect. There was a firework inside of his body and he could tell, that Harry liked it as well. The curly one kissed back, just as slightly as Niall did, but so lovingly.  
It was the only way Niall could tell Harry that he didn't want Zayn. He didn't want to be with Zayn, he didn't want him to touch or kiss him. He couldn't 'say' it. But he showed him.  
And in this very moment he realised what he was actually doing there. He kissed Harry. And he didn't want to know how Zayn would react if he ever knew about it. So he pulled away, scared again.  
“I'm sorry, I shouldn't be doing that.” He said and hid his face with his hands.  
“No, Niall … why … why did you do it?” Harry asked and took Niall's hands away to look into his eyes again. “Don't you love Zayn?”  
The fear was creeping through Niall's body again. He didn't want to get hurt again. He didn't want to be forced to do stuff he didn't want. And he didn't want to make Zayn angry again. So he lied. Even though he knew he would hurt Harry with it.  
“I … I love him, Harry. 'M sorry.” He stood up, quickly and left the room. He knew he had to go back to the others. He wasn't in the mood for company, but he didn't have an excuse for hiding in his room now.  
So he went back to Liam's and Louis' room and opened the door. They were still sitting on the couch and looked up when he entered the room.  
“What's wrong with Harry?” Louis immediately wanted to know.  
“Mhm, nothing. He was just … it was unexpected for him.” Why was he able to lie so convincing out of a sudden?  
“Good, I thought he was hurt or something.” Liam said and shrugged. “Never mind. So you two, eh? Didn't know 'bout it, but it's … kinda cool, I think.” He smiled wide and winked at Niall.  
Niall had to swallow hard. Cool. Absolutely nothing was cool about him and Zayn. But he had to act normally. He had already done a huge mistake with Harry, so he had to be convincing here. He wanted to tell them, actually. It was embarrassing, of course it was. But everything hurt so much. He could still feel the pain in his bum and his stomach as he sat down beside Zayn. Every glance from Zayn was like stitches into his skin and every touch shot memories from last night through his whole body. It was so hard to stay quiet, when he only wanted to scream “I don't want it. I don't love him. He's hurting me. He forced me to have sex with him … He raped me.” Because that was exactly what Zayn had done. He had raped him. His best friend had raped him. And he didn't seem to care about it.  
Niall really wanted to scream, but he was so scared. He couldn't. They wouldn't believe him anyway and then he had to deal with Zayn on his own again … and it would be a billion times worse than it was already. So he remained quiet.  
He was weak, he couldn't tell. And to know that no one, absolutely no one, would ever believe him, hurt the most. Because it was Zayn … 'Zayn' would 'never' do anything like 'that'. Not Zayn! His best friends would probably hate him for 'lying'. And that would make it even more horrible. He needed his friends now. And if they couldn't help him properly, he at least had to try to distract himself with them.  
But why the hell were they so damn supportive. Why couldn't they say that they didn't like it? That would've made Niall happy. But they didn't. They kept smiling, kept saying nice words about their relationship. And Niall just wanted to vomit again. And he already feared to be alone with Zayn. He thought about his plan, falling asleep on the couch here, but just as he started to pretend being tired, Zayn pulled him up.  
“I think we better go to our room now. Niall looks tired.” He smiled fondly at him and pressed a kiss to his lips. Forced, like always, but Louis and Liam didn't seem to recognize. Louis even sighed exaggerated.  
“Alright, tuck little Nialler in.” He laughed loudly. “And have fun.”  
Niall's stomach turned dangerously and he felt sick when Zayn replied with a cocky grin and said “Oh we will.” And then he dragged Niall out of the room, accompanied by Louis loud laughing and Liam's surprised “Oh, wow, okay.”  
Niall didn't see Harry again until the next day. But he wished he would have, because probably that would have made the following night much easier.

Zayn pushed him into the room His face was full of anger. Niall stumbled to the ground and looked up in fear. What did he do wrong? There was something, otherwise Zayn wouldn't be angry.  
“Why did you leave with Harry?” Zayn asked, dangerously quiet. He walked over to Niall, after closing the door and kneeled in front of him. “We just told our best friends that we're in a relationship and you leave?”   
Zayn's hand found the way into Niall's hair and yanked him upwards. “Stand up!” He sounded furious. “And now tell me what you did with him.”  
“Nothing.” Niall whined. “And … and who said that … that …” He took a deep breath. He had to ask. He wanted to understand. And he didn't want to accept everything the way it was at the moment. “That we're in a relationship?”  
He knew that he shouldn't have asked the moment Zayn's fist collided with his ribs. He slumped to the ground. Pain spread through his veins and the tears were back.  
“I SAID SO!” Zayn yelled and kicked against Niall's thigh. Niall was laying on the ground. He looked up, disbelieving and hurt. “YOU'RE MINE, I TOLD YOU!” Zayn came back down to Niall and pushed against his side, hard. Niall moaned in pain as Zayn's hands pressed against his already hurting stomach and hip. He wanted to scream, but he was too scared.  
“Didn't I show you, that you're mine, already? Wasn't yesterday enough?”  
Niall yelped high as Zayn pulled him closer and pressed his knee to Niall's sore bum. “Or do I have to show you again?”  
“No. No. Please.” Niall started shaking his head in horror.  
“Well I think I have to. I've to show you that you belong to me.”  
“Please.” Niall was close to sobbing again. Zayn pulled his shirt over his head and wrapped it, until it was almost like a rope. Then he wind it around Niall's wrist, tied them together. Niall tried to stop him, he tried to pull away, but Zayn was too strong.  
“Zayn stop it.” He demanded pleadingly but Zayn shook his head.  
“No Niall. I don't have a choice. You don't believe me, so I've gotta show you!” He let go of Niall's arms and smirked. He licked his lips as he let his eyes wander down Niall's body, stretched out in front of him.  
“It will be fun, babe. You'll see.” He whispered and leaned for, caught Niall's lips for a deep kiss. Niall knew he was lying. It wouldn't be fun. Not at all. It hadn't been yesterday, it won't be today. He squirmed again, but still, Zayn was too strong.  
From that moment on, everything happened very fast. His trousers and boxers found their way to the floor. His shirt was pushed upwards to his wrists and Zayn was kneeling between his legs. Niall wasn't erected. Everything hurt too much. But Zayn didn't care. He started licking Niall's thighs, bit hard and left marks. Niall could swear that he even started bleeding when Zayn bit particularly hard, even though he couldn't see it. His view was blurry again, his eyes were burning because of the tears spilling from them down the side of his face. He sniffled and squirmed. He even dared to try to kick a few times, but without success. His wrist started hurting, Zayn's shirt almost cut off his circulation of blood.  
“Please Zayn, leave me alone. It hurts.” He whimpered but Zayn didn't have compassion for him. He bit even harder, sucked in the sensitive skin and left hickeys and even more hickeys. Niall could tell that there were bruises forming on his hips, Zayn's grip was so hard, but he couldn't push his hands off. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop him.  
He felt so weak, so useless and embarrassing. He wanted help, but no one was there to help him. So he had to stand the torture, the pain, the disgust and the humiliation.  
Zayn took his legs in his hands now, pushed them against Niall's pale chest. Niall opened his eyes in fear. Not again. No, not again.   
“Imma destroy your little, tight baby arse, Niall.” Zayn said in a low voice and looked down. Niall's pink and sore hole in front of him. “Mhm. A little bit prep, babe?”  
Niall sobbed and used his whole strength to escape, but Zayn's hands on his thighs didn't let go.  
“Stop it, you little cock-slut. You'll do exactly what I want you to.”  
“Zayn no, please. Just let me go. You're hurting me.” The tears were streaming down his face, his eyes were red and opened in fear.   
“Of course I'm hurting you. You deserve it. I can't be gentle with you when you're behaving like you did today.” Zayn said, his voice shaking in rage as he pushed two fingers into Niall. The younger boy hissed and flinched but Zayn hold him in place. He quickly added a third finger and turned them inside of the thin, trembling body. He didn't bother to use lube this time, he wanted to hurt Niall. He pulled the fingers out and spit into his palm to smear it over his throbbing cock to make it at least a little bit smoother. Then he lined himself up at Niall's entrance. Niall jerked again, hated the feeling of Zayn's dick nudging against his hole.  
“Please don't.” He croaked out once again, helpless but Zayn didn't care. He pushed in, ripped the younger boy apart until he was buried in the shaking body completely. Niall couldn't scream, he gasped for air. Zayn was too big, too deep. Niall needed to grasp something, anything, needed something to hold on while he was stretched around Zayn's cock much too wide. He could only reach Zayn's shoulder, so he scratched them, hold onto them to stand the pain.   
“God, you're so tight, babe. Almost making me cum right there.” Zayn breathed out and leaned for to kiss Niall again. He smiled slightly as he saw Niall's tears.   
“I love you so much, Niall. That's why I'm doing it. I don't want to lose you, but you're so skittish, I've to punish you.”   
Niall turned his face away, averted Zayn's gaze. If he had thought that last night had been a horrible night, then he had been absolutely wrong. He knew he was bleeding, when Zayn pounded into his slim body. He cried out in pain as Zayn picked up his pace. He was so helpless, everything hurt.  
“Please, Zayn. Please, it hurts. Stop.” He pleaded again, but Zayn shoved his cock inside relentlessly.   
“Oh, Niall, you feel so good around my cock.” Zayn moaned out and pushed in even harder, as if he really tried to destroy Niall's already wrecked body completely.  
Niall gave up as Zayn pressed his legs even further against his chest and made him entirely helpless. He went completely limp, knowing that he didn't have a chance fighting against the older boy. So he just waited for it to be over.  
He almost threw up as he felt Zayn cuming inside of him, filling him up.  
When Zayn finally finished, he pulled out and looked down to Niall's destroyed hole. “I've gotta clean you, babe. Don't worry.” He stood up and Niall stayed on the floor. He wasn't able to move. Everything hurt and arched in pain. Zayn came back quickly and cleaned him sporadically. He looked down on the trembling mess in front of him. Smiled slightly again and gave Niall a fond kiss until he pulled him into his arms and carried him to the bed.  
“Sleep now. You'll need it. We've got a concert tomorrow.” Zayn said and cuddled himself to Niall's side.  
Niall still didn't move. He just laid there, stared at the ceiling. After some time he could hear Zayn breathing evenly, just like last night. But this time he didn't drift off to sleep himself. He stayed awake, felt every single cell inside his body hurting. And felt weak. So weak for not being able to fight back and make Zayn stop.  
There was only one thing he could look forward to. They were going to take the tour bus for the next few days, so he would barely be alone with Zayn. Maybe after that, everything changed again, maybe he's too boring for Zayn. He hoped so. Because he absolutely hadn't have the strength and the will to bear that torture much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments, kudos, etc. so far. You guys are making me really happy xx  
> I want to add that I love Zayn and that I absolutely don't want to harm him or anything, at all. Everything I'm writing is just fantasy and I really hope it will never be true xx


	4. Chapter 4

When the next morning came, Niall got up very early. He didn't want to be confronted with Zayn just yet, so he went under the shower. After washing himself as hearty as possible, he dressed into especially loose clothings and went to Liam's and Louis's room.   
His whole body was in pain and under the shower he had seen some quite horrible looking bruises. He could barely walk and to be honest, he had no idea how to perform tonight. He couldn't dance, he couldn't jump. His stomach, his hip, his ribs and his thighs were hurting, but nothing compared to the burning pain inside his bum. His bum was on fire, made him wince with every step.  
Though, everything was better than staying in a room with Zayn. So he left and was now standing in front of the white hotel door to Louis' and Liam's room. He knocked and it took a while until a tired looking Liam opened.  
“Niall?” He asked confused. “What're you doing here? It's quite early.”  
Niall nodded, but stepped around Liam to get into the room. Liam closed the door behind him and turned to the blonde one standing in his room. Niall was unsure what to do now, he knew Louis and Liam still wanted to sleep, but he couldn't go back to Zayn.  
“Gosh, you're looking horrible? Didn't you sleep last night?” Came grumbling from the bed in the corner. Niall saw Louis peeking from under his blanket. “C'mere.”  
Niall was relieved, he didn't feel comfortable, standing in the room and Louis seemed to have noticed. He walked over to Louis' bed and sat down onto the mattress. He couldn't hold back the quiet whimper when the stinging in his bum increased.  
“What is it, Niall?” Liam asked with concern and threw himself next to the blonde who was obviously in pain. He petted his shoulder, hopeful to get an answer, when the silence was interrupted by a reboant laughter.  
“Oh Liam, you're so naïve sometimes. Little Nialler got laid last night, didn't you Niall?”  
Niall jerked away from Louis. Of course Louis had to say something like that. If he only knew what he was saying there. Niall couldn't let it stand like that so he shook his head.  
“Louis!” Came from Liam, slightly warning but then he turned to Niall. He ruffled the younger one's hair and smiled. “I didn't think about that, sorry. It's just so new, you know? And … well … uhm.” He seemed as if he couldn't find the right words.  
“Congratulations?” Suggested Louis, still smirking and Niall started to shake his head faster.  
“No.” He said and jumped off the bed. Flinching at the increasing pain and closing his eyes to collect himself. His eyes were swimming in tears again even though he would have guessed that there weren't any tears left. He shed so many over the last day. “We didn't have sex. We didn't!” He said insistently. Not caring if he may act telltale. He just wanted to make that clear.  
“Oh come on, Niall. We're not stupid. Of course you've had sex. It's so obvious.” Louis said, still smiling.  
“NO!” Niall almost blared. “No, we didn't.”  
He just didn't want them to think that. It wasn't consensual, so to Niall, it wasn't sex. It was rape. Nothing else. Of course he couldn't tell them, but they shouldn't think that Niall and Zayn had had sex. Because sex was something beautiful, sex felt good, but the last nights had been pure horror.  
“What of it! Niall, honestly, it's normal if you're having sex, you don't have to be embarrassed or someth-”  
“I'm not embarrassed!” Niall shouted out and turned away. He had to wish some tears away. They better shouldn't see them.  
“What are you crying for?” Louis asked, now obviously worried. “Niall? Come back here and talk to us.”  
Niall shook his head and stayed were he was, back turned to his friends. He heard sheets rustle and then he felt Louis' hand on his shoulder. The older one guided him back to the bed, made him sit down. He kneeled down in front of him and took Niall's hand off his eyes.  
“Look at me, Niall.” He demanded with a warm voice and finally Niall let his glance drop down to Louis' blue eyes. Liam's hand found it's way to Niall's shoulder and rubbed it soothingly. “Tell us why you're crying, Ni. I mean you've had sex. Honestly, that's obvious. You're making a grimace every time you're sitting down and with almost every step. You know, I've had sex before, too, I know it can be sore.”  
Niall couldn't hold back a sob. Louis knew a shit. He had absolutely no idea. Sore wasn't even a word for it! He wasn't sore, he was burning. Truly on fire.   
“Niall! Now pull yourself together and tell us what you're crying for. You don't need to be embarrassed for having sex with Zayn.” Louis tried again but Niall only winced under his words.  
“Niall, you're scaring me.” Came from Liam and his grip became a little bit stronger on his shoulder.  
“I've to ask you something, Niall and I really don't want to ask it, I swear, but you're acting fucking weird and just like Liam said … you're scaring us, kind of. So … don't be mad at me, if I'm wrong, 'kay, you know I just want to help.” Louis said urgently. Niall nodded slightly, frightened of what might come. “Is Zayn pushing you to do things, you don't want to do? I mean your behaviour is really odd and I just … Niall, please just answer the question. Is he … does he want stuff you don't want yet?”  
Niall swallowed hard and looked away, then he forced himself to shook his head. He couldn't let them know what had happened. Zayn would kill him. And they'd think that he was weak. He couldn't tell them. It would destroy everything. The band, their carrier, everything. So he croaked out a “No.”  
Louis and Liam sighed relieved and nodded.  
“Why're you crying then?” Liam wanted to know.  
“Just …” Niall cleared his thought. “'M just really tired. Yesterday was … exhausting.”  
“Oh … okay.” Louis said, frowning. “Uhm … of course, watching us playing FiFa is really exhausting.”  
Niall closed his eyes. He needed to even his breath. That was just too much. They were almost finding out. He couldn't let that happen. So he stood up.  
“I'm going to Harry.” He said quietly and didn't look back as he left the room. Of course his behaviour was suspicious but he couldn't help it. He was so wrecked and so tired. He just needed a break from all the drama.  
But when he was standing outside the room he suddenly remembered how he had left Harry yesterday. Could he just go to him now? He had to, he didn't want to go back to Zayn and he couldn't go back to Liam and Louis. So he knocked at Harry's door a few seconds later. He had to wait a while until Harry opened. Looking even more tired as Liam did a few minutes ago. But when he saw Niall, he started smiling. One of his really happy smiles, with crinkles by his eyes and the dimples Niall loved so much. His eyes were sparkling as he let Niall into his room. When he went back to his bed, yawning. He let himself fall onto his mattress and looked at Niall.  
“Why are you awake already?” He asked with his calming, slowly voice and lifted an eyebrow.  
“I … uhm … I couldn't sleep.” Niall said, biting his bottom lip.  
Harry laid there just in his boxers. And to be honest. It was surprising that he was wearing anything at all, normally he slept naked. Niall knew that.  
“But I'm still so tired. Come here. You can lay in my bed and at least try to have some sleep as well. We still have more than two hours left until we've to get up.”  
Niall nodded and walked over to Harry. He was relieved that Harry wasn't making a fuss out of yesterday. After all, Niall had kissed him. That was kind of a big deal. But Harry was playing it down and that was exactly what Niall needed now.  
There weren't any questions about why Niall was here and not with Zayn. Harry didn't even ask about the kiss or about their conversation yesterday. Indirectly Niall had told Harry that he wasn't happy with Zayn. But Harry was just the perfect friend, like always. He let Niall crawl under his blanket and didn't even say a word when Niall couldn't control his facial muscles and looked hurt for a second. Harry copied Niall's face and Niall could tell that … probably Harry was hurt by the thought of Niall having sex with Zayn. But that didn't make any sense to Niall, so he shrugged it off and let himself being pulled into a warm embrace. After a few minutes, he was lulled to sleep by Harry's scent. He needed the sleep and with Harry by his side, protecting, warm and reassuring, he finally was able to close his eyes without fear and could drift off to sleep. A deep sleep, without any dreams. Fortunately.

When Niall woke up, it was to a loud knocking against the door. He lifted his head, drowsy, and felt Harry taking his arm off of his waist. Harry walked to the door, waddling, obviously very tired. He opened the door and Niall saw Zayn's black shock of hair immediately. He heard his voice.  
“Morning, Haz, is Niall here?” He sounded warm, not angry but that could be an illusion.  
“Mhm, yes, he's here.” Harry grumbled and turned to the bed. Zayn didn't bother to wait and went straight over to Niall. He kneeled in front of him, smiled at him. Niall bit his lower lip. Why was Zayn so nice now? Probably because Harry was watching.  
“Hey sleepyhead. I was a little bit worried when I woke up and you weren't there.” His smile was so fond and he leaned for. His lips barely touched Niall's, he was careful, loving, not violent at all. His kiss wasn't forcing, but Niall knew it was just a show. He had to kiss back. He was in enough trouble anyway, because he had left and had slept in Harry's bed. So he let Zayn's lips brush over his lightly until it was enough for Zayn. He pulled back again and threw a very forced smile at Harry. Then he took Niall's hand and helped him stand up. Niall found himself in Zayn's threatening arms immediately.  
“Let's go back to our room, yeah love? We've got to pack our things.”  
Niall nodded and followed him out of the room. He didn't miss Harry's bitter look and the slightly disappointed smile he gave Niall.  
In the hallway, Zayn's steps became heavier and faster. He dragged Niall over to their room and quickly opened the door. Inside the room he stayed quiet, for a few seconds at least. Then he wheezed and his eyes became dark and cold again. Niall didn't avoid his piercing glance though. He was literally able to feel the blood leaving his face and turning pale. He was so helpless. Again.  
“So you decided to play whore now, yeah?” Zayn asked furtively.  
Niall quickly shook his head. “No, I … I just slept.” He didn't know why he exculpated himself anyway, he just felt as if he had to.  
“With him?” Zayn asked and took a threatening step into Niall's direction.  
“No! No, I promise.”  
Zayn didn't listen to him, though. He smacked him over the face. Not hard enough to leave bruises, of course not, that would cause questions, but hard enough to make Niall stumble.  
“You can be glad, that I don't fuck you again, because I have enough reasons to punish you here and now, but I slept very good and I'm not in the mood to wreck you again so … just pack your things!” Zayn's eyes were emitting sparks and his jaw clenched in anger. He grabbed Niall's arse, against his own words, and pulled him hard forward against his body. Niall hissed in pain. His bum was still hurting so much and Zayn's hands on him were like acid to his skin and nerves. He didn't complain though, just let Zayn kiss him forcefully and brutally. Then there was a clout onto his left bum cheek and suddenly he was free again. Now limping even more than before. But in comparison to what had happened already, this time had been pretty lenient. So Niall was lucky, kind of. It could have had been much worse.

When they arrived at the arena they were going to play tonight, Niall was feeling very bad. He absolutely wasn't in the mood to sing, dance and play guitar today. He just wanted to sleep. Everything was far too overwhelming. He wouldn't be able to walk and dance anyway. So why trying?  
And there was another problem. He couldn't change his clothes in a room together with his bandmates and the stylists. They would see the bruises all over his body. He couldn't risk that. He didn't want to answer any questions and he knew that Zayn would become angry again.  
So he avoided the confused looks on his friends' faces when he quickly grabbed his things and left to the bathroom to change. He had never done this before and of course the others were sceptical now.  
When he came back to the room, they were looking at him worried and questioning.  
“We're have you been?” Liam asked and Niall bit his lower lip.  
“Just went to the toilet.”  
“To change?” Harry asked frowning.  
Niall simply nodded and sat onto the couch. Carefully of course. He was walking slowly and under pain. His rib was throbbing and the stinging pain in his bum let him wince with every step, so he didn't want to cause irritation with sitting down fast and yelping.  
“Why didn't you change with us?” Louis wanted to know but Niall didn't answer. He leaned back and rested his head on the backrest. He really couldn't make up any good excuses so he better remained quiet.   
Luckily it was time to get on stage now anyway, so he didn't have to face the boys any longer.

The show was horrible. Niall tried to stay as still as possible and didn't run around. He didn't sound good and he even played the wrong accords on his guitar a few times. Right now they we're performing “One Thing”. A song Niall really didn't want to sing. He didn't feel like moving and dancing at all. He didn't want to act happy.  
Louis walked over to Niall and tried to start a dance with him, smirking like always, but Niall didn't react. He turned around and limped over to the other side of the stage. Louis followed him though and after the song he turned to him quietly. “What is it Niall? Does anything hurt?”  
“No. 'M fine.” Niall mumbled and wanted to turn away again, but Louis grabbed and stopped him.  
“I don't believe you. You're still limping and look really awful.”  
Niall shook his head. “I swear, I'm fine.” And with that the next song started.  
Niall even skipped the small choreography parts and didn't jump in any hole in the stage's ground. He knew that he was behaving very suspicious, but he couldn't help it. He felt so weak. Every look Zayn gave him hurt so much. Every move send stitches through his body.  
When it was time for “Little Things” he just sat on the stairs and looked to the ground. He didn't want to sing anymore. He just wanted to leave the stage and curl up in a bed. Without Zayn!  
He couldn't prevent the tears from falling when it came to his part. He managed to sing, but didn't sound good at all. Liam seemed to recognize, because suddenly Niall felt his arm over his shoulders and he helped him sing. He seemed concerned and as soon as they finished he asked him as well. “You okay, Ni?”  
Niall nodded and walked away.  
It wasn't easy to finish the concert. It just didn't end and he could feel Liam's, Louis' and Harry's worried looks the whole time. And of course there was Zayn who stared at him threatening, unnoticed from everyone else.  
By the time he could finally leave the stage, he didn't even bother to wait for the other boys. He just walked over to one of the waiting cars. He told the bodyguard, who was going to drive the car, that he should just leave the arena and so he did. Zayn, Liam, Louis and Harry could take one of the other cars. He didn't mind. He just couldn't stay at the arena any longer. Too scared Zayn would follow him and get angry because of his bad acting. But Louis was quick. He pulled the door open and slipped onto the seat next to Niall. He didn't say a word during the drive, just let Niall be.  
The car stopped next to the tour bus they were going to take from now on and Niall quickly walked in. The Bodyguard fortunately had a key and was waiting outside the bus for the others to arrive. Niall headed to the bathroom. His clothes were in the bus already, so there wouldn't be a problem for him to change.  
He closed the door behind him and changed. Then he splashed some water in his face to cool down, but he couldn't. Everything was so scary. Everything was just too much.  
“Niall?” Louis knocked. “Niall? Please come on out.”  
The blonde sighed and turned to the door. There was no way to avoid Louis any longer. So he opened the door hesitatingly. Louis was standing right in front of him. His eyes seemed as if they were taking in every single part of Niall's body. Niall felt uncomfortable immediately.  
“We need to talk.” Louis said and laid his hand onto Niall's upper arm.  
Niall shook his head. “There's no need to talk.”  
“I think there is. C'mon, let's sit down in the back of the bus.” He didn't even wait for Niall to contradict. Instead he dragged Niall over to the back area and made him sit down on the couch. Niall started squirming under Louis' look and started to fumble with his fingers.  
“Tell me what's bothering you, Nialler. I'm really worried!”  
“It's nothing.”  
“Oh it is. I would even say that I've never seen you in such a bad mood. Not even when you were homesick a few years ago.” Louis said determined.  
“I'm fine.”  
“No you're not, Niall! Stop that! You're hurt. I'm not blind, you know!? You're limping and wincing and I'm pretty sure that is not because of sex or anything. It's as if you're bruised all over your body.”  
Niall was startled. Shit. Louis really had noticed a lot. That wasn't good. He really needed an excuse. But he couldn't find one.  
“Niall, please just tell me. I mean. You didn't change with us in the same room. As if you were scared of us to see you naked or something.”  
Niall shook his head again. “No, it's not like that.” He said but sounded much too weak to be convincing. But what was he supposed to now? Louis couldn't find out. Partly he wanted him to. But Zayn had warned him enough to be scared as fuck.   
“Oh really? Lift up your shirt then.”  
Niall's eyes widened in shock. “Wh-hat? No!” He said. His voice was shaking. He really needed to get out of this.  
“Niall, what ever it is. You can tell me. You got hurt, didn't you?”  
“No! No, I'm fine. Really.”  
“You're refusing to lift up your shirt, for heaven's sake. You are not fine. And I know that there are bruises. I can even see it in the way you're moving. How did that happen? How did you hurt yourself?” Louis really looked pleading now. He seemed so worried.  
“It's nothing. Really.” Niall tried again but his voice broke when Louis grabbed his wrist. It seemed as if he only wanted to sooth the younger one. As if he only wanted to touch him to make him feel more comfortable and to show him that he was there, whatever it was. But it didn't work. The sudden pain, caused by Louis' hand on Niall's clothed wrist let the blonde whimper and pull his arm back.  
“What the …?” Louis asked and this time he didn't let himself be fobbed off. He took Niall's hand and lifted up the sleeve. Niall's eyes were filling with tears again. Louis would see it now. And there was no way to bluff it out. And as soon Louis knew … Zayn would know as well. And then Niall was fucked. Literally.  
“Oh shit!” The older shouted out as soon as he saw the blue and green skin. It really looked horrible. Zayn had had a really hard grip and did leave not only slightly visible bruises. “Where's that from?”  
“It's nothing.” Niall repeated again and finally pulled his arm away completely.  
“Niall stop that! Now! What happened?”  
“IT IS NOTHING!” Niall shouted, his voice still weak and full of fear. He felt the tears streaming down his face in anticipation of Louis finding out. Zayn would kill him. He would hurt him even more and Niall really had to stop him. It was bad enough already.  
“NO IT'S NOT!” Louis raised his voice as well. Then he felt quiet again. He looked at Niall. His blue eyes full of concern and then he just pulled Niall into a warm embrace. “Please talk to me, love. I'm so worried. You're like my little brother and I really don't want anyone to hurt you.”  
Niall sobbed. “I can't!”  
“Is it Zayn? I mean … I don't like to ask it … but everything started when you and Zayn told us about your relationship. Does he … does he have a kink or something? I don't know? Like BDSM? You don't need to be ashamed.”  
Now Niall was sobbing even harder. If it would only be BDSM. It wasn't. It was worse. Niall didn't want the whole relationship in the first place. But Zayn really didn't seem to care. He fucking raped him everyday and beat him up. And Niall couldn't do anything to stop him.  
“No.”  
“Niall, if you don't want to do such things, you've gotta tell him. Something like that is only working if both parties are into it.”  
Niall desperately wanted to answer. He wanted to tell Louis that he wasn't even into kissing Zayn, or letting Zayn touch him. But he couldn't. Because he was so scared.  
“It's not like that.” He whispered and it wasn't even a lie.  
Before Louis could answer again, the door swung open and Liam came in. “What's wrong?” He asked immediately. He must've seen Niall's teary eyes.  
“Nothing.” Niall repeated and quickly wiped the tears away. Louis let go of him but before Niall could walk away and over to his bunk, he hold him back again. “Niall, you know you can always talk to me, yeah?”  
Niall just nodded and then slipped into his bunk. He really didn't want to talk to anyone tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

Before Niall could fall asleep, there was something behind him. He could tell immediately who it was. The smell in the air and the goosebumps all over his skin were hint enough. It was Zayn, squashing behind him into the small bunk.  
“Hey love, I know you're not asleep yet.” Zayn whispered into Niall's ear and pressed against his back.  
“'M tired though.” He managed to croak out. He really just wanted to sleep, but with Zayn pressed against him it wouldn't be that easy. He was really tired. They day had been exhausting and now feeling Zayn all over his body it became even harder. Why couldn't he be left alone for at least a night? Why was Zayn always present?   
And to feel him laying an arm around Niall's clenched body and pulling him closer, was making it worse. He knew the other boys were in the same bus at the moment. Maybe trying to sleep as well. He knew, if he would make any noise of disapproval or fear they would hear him. If he screamed they'd help him. He really thought about doing so, especially when he felt Zayn's hand slip under his shirt and the older man's cock swelling against his bum. But he remained quiet.  
He didn't even make a noise when his pants were pulled down and a wet finger started to press inside of him. He was so scared. Everything was so disgusting again. He just wanted to scream. He really wanted to, but Zayn would freak out and he'd probably kill him if he did so.  
A second finger followed and Zayn started widening him. He had to bite his lip to prevent the sounds from leaving his mouth. He was so sore. The fingers really hurt him. A third finger followed pretty quickly. Zayn didn't seem too patient and when he finally pulled his fingers out again, Niall almost sighed in relief. But he knew better.  
“If you make any sound, I swear you'll regret it.” Zayn hissed and then Niall heard shuffling behind him, until his face was pressed into the mattress and he felt Zayn hovering above him.  
Then he pushed in. Slowly this time, but the pain ripped him apart though. He was so fucking sore. He absolutely wasn't ready to take something that huge already. He wanted to scream again. In pain this time but he didn't. He bit into the pillow and tried to distract himself from what was happening right now, but Zayn started to pound into his shaking body and pulled him back into reality.  
Niall suddenly was so aware of the other boys around him. They probably were in the bunks right now and he was pretty sure they were able to hear Zayn's movements. He gasped into the pillow's fabric when Zayn hit his prostate, but he the little amount of pleasure really wasn't enough to push the pain in the background. It just kept hurting.  
When Zayn started to go harder, faster a constant slapping of skin on skin was audible and Niall honestly just wanted to die. He was so embarrassed. Why was he so weak? He let his best friends listening to him being raped and didn't stop it. He just lay there and let them believe it was consensual.  
They would help him, if he only asked for help. They were able to hear every croaked pleading to stop or sound caused by pain. So why did he remain still? Why didn't he let them help? Why didn't he let them know? Why didn't he let them stop it?  
He couldn't be that scared, could he? Obviously he was because he started crying into his pillow instead of letting the cries be audible for the boys. He rather soaked his pillow with tears than starting to fight Zayn off and trying to leave the bunk. He just took it.  
He only whined a little bit loader when he felt Zayn cuming inside of him and heard his stifled moan. Still loud enough for the boys to hear.  
And probably that was the moment he kind of broke. Being able to ask for help, knowing to get it right away and still not doing so only because of fear and weakness was so shaming. It was his fault now. There was no other way to say it and probably that didn't make it non-consensual anymore, he thought. If he asked for help after what had just happened, they wouldn't believe him! Niall was so sure. And he couldn't help but sob into the pillow, feeling Zayn pull out and dropping half onto Niall again. Panting and breathing heavily. The blonde was so disgusted. Zayn didn't leave and he didn't try to sooth him this time. He lay there and nuzzled his face into Niall's neck, letting him cry himself to sleep even though he felt the cum drying inside of him and every muscle was like burning.

When Niall woke up the next morning he still felt Zayn pressed against his body. Everything was still hurting and he had the feeling to be bleeding. Maybe he was, Zayn hadn't used lube … only spit. And he had been sore already.  
He wiggled around and sat up as much as possible in the small bunk. He was careful to let Zayn sleep when he pushed him off his body. Then he climbed over the sleeping boy and out of his bunk. Fortunately Zayn hadn't took off Niall's clothes completely so there weren't any difficulties to get dressed again.  
When he was standing on the floor he looked around. The curtains on Louis' and Harry's bunk were opened already. Liam's were closed. Niall shrugged and took a few clothes to go under the shower. He was sure that he was looking pretty horrible. So he should be careful that none of the boys saw him before he had had a shower.

Showering had been awful. The water had been burning on his abused and sore skin. He had been right, he was bleeding but he figured that it wasn't too bad. He wasn't bleeding that much, only a little bit and it would heal. He ignored the fact that his pants had been literally blood-stained and that he had been bleeding much more before. He couldn't change it anyway.  
So he got dressed again and walked to the area in the back of the bus. He needed to eat at least a little bit, even though he wasn't hungry. The bus was driving already. Had probably started very early in the morning when he had been asleep.  
Louis and Harry were sitting on the couch in the back of the bus when Niall stepped in. They looked at him immediately. Louis had a smirk on his face and was literally gleaming. Harry was the exact opposite. His eyes were red rimmed, as if he had been crying earlier. He didn't look happy and very tired. Niall had no idea what was wrong, but he didn't dare to ask. Might sound egoistical, but he wasn't able to deal with someone else's problems at the moment. Not even with Harry's. There was too much going on in his own life right now.  
So he just sat down and grabbed one of the toasts which were laying on the table. He started chewing it, still not hungry but somehow he managed to get it down. Then he looked up again. Harry seemed to be close to tears again and Louis was still smirking.  
“What?” Niall asked snappy, he wasn't in the mood to joke around with Louis. And he really didn't understand why Louis was smirking now. Yesterday he had been so worried … and now?  
“Did you have a nice night?” Louis asked and suddenly Niall understood. Of course. They had heard him and Zayn last night. At least kind of. Of course Louis was smirking. He thought that it had been consensual and not forced. He thought that Niall and Zayn had had loads of fun last night. And Niall didn't want him to find out the truth right now. He wouldn't believe him anyway. So he forced a little smile until his eyes found Harry's again. The younger really looked sad. But why? Why was he sad? Did it make him sad to hear Niall and Zayn have sex together? Niall actually only wanted to forget all of it, but he couldn't. It had been too horrible and now with Harry's in tears swimming eyes he really couldn't. He wanted to know why Harry was so sad. What was the reason for his tears. But he couldn't ask. Not know. Not with Louis in the same room. But if it really was because of Niall and Zayn having sex … Niall didn't know what to do then.  
Harry was his only gleam of hope left. Zayn was simply too awful, he had killed all of Niall's self-confidence within days. Raping and beating, forcing and threatening, all of that didn't let space for being happy and self-confident. Absolutely not.  
So instead of answering properly, he just shook his head. Probably that wasn't a good idea. Especially not mixed with the hurt look on his face. Louis' smile turned to a worried expression again and he looked inquiringly and thoughtful out of a sudden. As if he took Niall's head shaking as a clear “no”.  
Niall didn't react to it further. He just kept eating his toast and remained quiet. 

They day went on without any special events. Zayn woke up and came in the back area. He pulled Niall into a warm embrace immediately and nipped at the skin on his neck. Niall felt more and more uncomfortable again and clenched all over. Louis eyes were still on Niall and Zayn and he seemed to analyse every single movement. But Zayn was 'nice' again. He whispered 'cute' things into Niall's ear, audible for everyone else though. Only Niall was able to hear the threats hidden behind his words.  
It was around afternoon when the bus took a break and Louis, Liam and Zayn decided to go and get some food. Niall was left behind in the bus with Harry. As soon as the door was closed Harry turned to him.  
“You look horrible.” He said. Niall was kind of relieved that he didn't say a word about last night. He was pretty sure he couldn't stand that.  
“So do you.” He shoot back and Harry nodded slightly.  
“'Course I do. I didn't sleep that well last night.” It was a hint, Niall knew it. He started biting his lower lip again and avoided Harry's glance.  
“'M sorry.” He croaked out and saw out of the corner of his eye that Harry was shaking his head.  
“No need to be sorry, Ni. I mean you really shouldn't have sex in the tour bus with us around but all in all … you're free to do whatever you want to do.” His voice became more and more quiet at the end of his sentence. Niall looked up again.  
“'M sorry though.”  
He saw Harry smiling slightly. “It's okay Niall. Really. If you want to sleep with him … feel free to do so.”   
Well that was the matter. Niall absolutely DIDN'T want to sleep with Zayn. But he really couldn't say so. He just nodded and fumbled around with his fingers. He always did that when he was nervous. Harry seemed to notice. He suddenly sat right next to Niall and pulled him into a warm embrace.  
This embrace was so different from Zayn's. Niall felt safe and loved. He wasn't afraid or uncomfortable. There wasn't any kind of threat in Harry's arms around his body.  
“You don't need to be ashamed, Ni.” Harry whispered and Niall could hear his voice was shaking. He turned his head a little bit, and nuzzled his face into the crook of Harry's neck.  
“I'm not ashamed.” He lied. Of course he was ashamed. It was so embarrassing that he wasn't able to fight against Zayn's actions. It was so embarrassing that he was so weak and such a disgusting person. “It's just so complicated. Everything's just so complicated.” He croaked out and turned his head even further until his cheek was pressed against Harry's cheek. He really felt safe now. Loved.  
“What is so complicated, Ni? Please tell me.”  
“No, I can't.” He really couldn't. Zayn would kill him. But it was Harry, talking to him now. And Harry still meant so much to him. He loved Harry with every cell of his body. He wanted Harry to love him back, even though he knew he was a person no one could really love again. He wanted to be happy with Harry. Harry was his safe haven. He was safe as long as he was with him.  
“Do you love him?” Harry suddenly asked and his voice was so clear, so pleading, Niall couldn't resist. He shook his head. Only slightly, but Harry seemed to understand. Niall couldn't lie anymore when it came to his love for Zayn. Love just wasn't there. He felt nothing but disgust and fear when he looked at Zayn. He just couldn't tell Harry a lie. Not Harry. Not Harry who he loved.  
Harry didn't seem to need anything else. He turned his head into Niall's direction and Niall really couldn't understand why Harry was doing the next step, because if he was Harry, he really wouldn't have liked to do it. But Harry did. Harry kissed him. It was only a careful and hesitating touch at the beginning, but Niall didn't pull back. Of course he didn't. He was so glad that Harry didn't ask any questions now and kissed him instead. He wanted nothing more than to kiss back. So he did. And this kiss was so much better than the one in Harry's hotel room. It was so much more. It was gentle and full of love. Niall could feel it. Everything was prickling and so so beautiful. He never wanted it to end. He only wanted to keep kissing Harry. Forever. He wanted to enjoy this moment. Wanted to just lean back and feel loved. He wanted to keep the fireworks in his body lightened. He didn't want the spark to die. But it did.  
The door opened with a load 'bang' and crashed against the wall of the bus. Niall and Harry shoot apart and were met by Zayn's angry eyes. He looked so out of mind. So dangerous. And Niall almost crawl onto Harry's lap to keep safe, but then he thought that it would be dangerous for Harry, too if he did so. So he stood up and quickly left to his bunk. He wanted to hide.  
He heard Zayn was talking to Harry, but he couldn't understand the words. He was so scared. It was as if he kind of went deaf. He was crying. A little bit. Not that much. Shaking. A little bit. Not that much. He felt numb. Insecure. Scared. He knew Zayn would destroy him as soon as he had the possibility to. And he really only wanted to die.  
There was nothing left for him anymore. Zayn took Harry away from him, he was so sure. He wouldn't let him be alone with Harry anymore.  
The pain was still so present. It didn't stop. He wanted to have control back. At least a little bit. But he didn't know how. He really needed an idea before it really become too much for him. Before he actually wanted to kill himself. Because right now, he had the feeling that killing himself wasn't such a bad idea. At least he could escape then.

After some time laying in the bunk, he had been falling asleep. It hadn't been a deep or restful sleep, but at least he had been sleeping really at all. All the stuff that was going on had made him so damn tired. Not only physically but also mentally. So sleeping had been a relief. Unfortunately it didn't last long. After not even three hours, he was rudely awakened by a sharp grip in his hair. He got dragged out of the bunk before he was even fully awake and he needed a moment to understand what was happening.  
“You little bloody slut! Seems as if I've to teach you a lesson!” The words didn't really reach his brain right away. But when they did, he was frightened and shocked immediately. He wanted to curl himself back in the bunk, but Zayn's grip was too strong.  
“Please.” He whimpered and in the back of his head there was the question “Where are Harry, Liam and Louis?” But he didn't ask. He knew Zayn'd get even more angry if he did.  
“You can beg as much as you want to. It's your own fault. I'm so disgusted.” Zayn shouted the last sentence and suddenly Niall was shoved through the bus brutally. His head collided with the floor and everything went dark in front of his eyes until there was something hard crashing against his rip. He yelped in pain and saw Zayn standing above him. His face was taut with anger.  
“Put your shirt off!” He demanded and spit while talking.  
Niall swallowed hard. He had an idea of what was expecting him and he didn't even want to think about it. But though he sat up as good as possible and pulled the shirt off of his slim body. Zayn was smirking.  
“At least you obey now!”  
Niall looked down on the floor. He didn't want to listen to Zayn, far too ashamed of himself. How could he obey him? Why did he do what Zayn wanted? Of course he was scared, but did he lose even the last spark of his self esteem? Tears were already spilling from his eyes and he hated himself for crying. Why was he so weak?  
“Stand up!” Zayn demanded and his gaze was so piercing, it almost hurt.  
Niall didn't know why he reacted the way he did next. It just happened. He shook his head and suppressed a sniffling.  
“WHAT?!” Zayn shouted.  
Niall repeated the action. He didn't to feel weak anymore. He wanted to try to fight back. At least a little bit. But obviously that was a bad mistake.  
Zayn's hand dart forward and slapped his face. Hard! Stinging! Painful! “You dare to contradict me?! Are you really that stupid? After what I saw today you can be happy if you get out of here alive!” He sounded so angry and Niall believed every single word he said. To underline his statement, he came down to Niall, straddled the younger one's hips. “You little fucking slut! I give you everything and you're so ungrateful! Why're you making everything so hard? You're so stupid, Niall!”  
His fist crashed against the already sore ribs. Over and over again. Niall couldn't breath. Everything hurt. Everything screamed in pain. He closed his eyes, tried to catch some air as he heard a 'crack' when Zayn hit him especially hard. Though he didn't try to fight Zayn off. He simply couldn't.  
“How dare you cheat on me?! I really have to show you, whom you belong to, haven't I?”  
Niall's only answer was a weak whimper from his lips. He couldn't make another sound, already close to passing out. It was too much! The pain was too much. Everything had been hurting anyway … and now it was a million times worse. If that was even possible.  
“Guess that's my only option, isn't it?”  
Niall pressed his eyes close even more. He really didn't want to know what Zayn was up to now. He couldn't be raped again. If Zayn would use his bum again, he was sure he'd die. He couldn't stand the pain again. Not after the last time. He had been bleeding already. Zayn would destroy him.  
He didn't even feel that Zayn wasn't sitting on his hip anymore. Instead he was sitting on his chest now. And Niall didn't hear the zipper either. There was a buzzing in his ears.  
The slap on his left cheek brought him back again. “Open up!” Zayn said, his voice still far away.  
Niall was confused but he opened his eyes though. Too scared to refuse again. But when his eyes fell on the scenery in front of him, he knew that Zayn hadn't been talking about Niall's eyes when he had said “Open up!”  
His cock was right in front of Niall's face and the tip started nudging against his lips. “C'mon! Open your mouth! That's the least you can do for me, after you've used it to cheat on me with Harry earlier.”   
The tears were hot on Niall's cheeks. He really didn't want to open his mouth, but he did though. Almost immediately Zayn pressed his dick between Niall's lips. He squeezed his eyes shut again, hated the taste of Zayn's sweaty skin on his tongue and was so disgusted alone by the thought of having Zayn's cock in his mouth.  
“SUCK!” Zayn demanded and his fingers started to rub over Niall's jaw. He obeyed, even though he just wanted to throw up. He sucked as good as he could and tried not to throw up. That appeared as very hard when Zayn pressed in further. He gagged around Zayn's cock, tried to buck away, but he was pressed against the floor. There was no way out.  
“Harder!” Zayn pressed even deeper and Niall had difficulties to breath already. But when Zayn's cock pressed in his throat he really couldn't anymore. He wiggled and squirmed. Zayn was pulling out finally but then bucked forward again and Niall coughed. Panic was rushing through his veins when Zayn didn't pull out again. He kept inside of his throat and Niall had the feeling to choke. He gaged hard around Zayn. His hands found their way to Zayn's hips and he tried to push him away, but he couldn't. He really was too weak. He tried to turn away but Zayn held him in place. The air became scarce. Black spots were dancing in front of his eyes again and he panicked even more. He needed to breath. But Zayn still didn't pull out of his mouth to give him enough time to fill his lungs with air again. And after an especially deep thrust, everything went black in front of him.  
When Niall came round again, he thought it had to be over. His lungs were full with air again and he could breath. But the moment his eyes fluttered open, Zayn pressed into his mouth again.  
“Ah … here we go. You're back! Then suck. I didn't want you to miss me cuming into your sweet little mouth.”  
Niall felt so sick and dizzy. Everything around him was blurry and turning. The taste in his mouth was horrible and he was so weak, he couldn't move. Everything hurt so bad and Zayn didn't give him any time to rest. He pushed in deeply again and the black spots appeared in front of Niall's eyes again as he started gagging. He really had the feeling that Zayn wouldn't stop until he was choked to death.  
The tears on his cheeks were so hot and his eyes felt red rimmed and so full of blood from the gagging. He just wanted it to stop.  
“C'mon babe, only a second ...” Zayn moaned but Niall almost didn't hear him. He just concentrated on the air that became less again. Then Zayn was cuming deep in his throat and mouth. He sputtered around the cock and tried to get rid of the disgusting liquid in his mouth and finally breath again, but no chance. Zayn forced him to swallow. It wasn't easy though. His throat was sore and hurt. Swallowing felt like having a knot in his throat.  
Then, finally, Zayn pulled out and looked at Niall in awe. “See … you can be so good for me. Just don't disobey me that often.”  
Niall sniffled and sobbed quietly. He was so tired, almost passing out again. His limbs were heavy and he kind of wished to become unconscious again. At least the pain would be gone then. But his body didn't fulfil this dream and let him suffer instead.  
“Stand up now! I want to have a little bit more fun with you.” Zayn said with a threatening voice and Niall's eyes rolled back.  
NO! He couldn't stand up. It was too much already. He really couldn't take any more pain. “You're disobeying again!” Zayn hissed angry and suddenly his hands were around Niall's throat. Well … Niall didn't really notice anymore. Not even when Zayn pressed down with a lot of pressure and he couldn't breath again. “Seems as if you like being choked since you don't listen to what I want you to do! You little disgusting slut! You're glad that the lads are going to come back soon, otherwise I promise your punishment would have been harder! You deserve it!” Zayn sounded so furious. He kept pressing until Niall saw black again. He felt so numb. Mentally and physically. He couldn't move, couldn't stop Zayn, couldn't even try to gasp for air. He just laid there until he didn't notice anything around him anymore.  
The next thing he knew was that he woke up in his bunk, wrapped in a blanket and pain! A lot of pain all over his body. He couldn't turn around in his bed. His cheeks were still wet and he knew that his throat was a mess. He wouldn't be able to speak properly … especially not sing. But he couldn't care less in this very moment. His rib was stinging painfully and somehow he had the feeling that it was broken. The worst thing was, that he couldn't go to a doctor. Even though he definitely should have been going. He was in a horrible state. And he really needed medical help. But he couldn't tell anyone. Zayn became worse and worse every time he freaked out and lost his temper. He couldn't risk him becoming even more furious. That probably would have been his dead.  
So he just stayed in his bunk. His whole body arching in pain. He could here the boys running around in the bus and talking but he needed a moment until he could finally understand their words.  
“He's sleeping already. He was tired.” Zayn's voice reached Niall's ears and his stomach hurt worse immediately.  
“It's not that late. Isn't he feeling good?” Liam asked alarmed.  
“Just tired.” Zayn hissed.  
“I'm going to look after him. 'M a bit worried, he didn't look that good today.” Louis seemed to decide and Niall heard him coming closer.  
Zayn was protesting but Liam cut him off and wheedled Zayn around to come with him to the lounge in the back. Zayn seemed to understand that he couldn't stop the boys from at least checking on Niall. Of course not. They always cared for each other. Specially when one of them was acting weird or was ill. So it wasn't unusual for Louis to look after Niall. Zayn wasn't suspicious. Well … he hadn't got an idea that LOUIS definitely WAS SUSPICIOUS! Especially after Niall's odd answers and behaviour. Niall could tell that Louis wouldn't leave him alone very soon. When Louis got worried, something was really going on and he mostly didn't stop before he knew what exactly that was.  
So he wasn't surprised when the curtain of his bunk was pulled aside and Louis was touching his shoulder. He couldn't turn around to him though and stared against the wall in front of him instead. The tears were dripping on his pillow below his head and soaked the soft fabric with salty liquid.  
“Nialler? Are you awake?” Louis whispered and petted Niall's shoulder slightly.  
He knew that Louis would notice if he was pretending to be asleep. So he nodded and mumbled “Yes.”  
His voice was scratchy and absolutely didn't sound like him. Louis' hand stilled and Niall could feel his eyes on him.  
“What happened to your voice? You're fucking hoarse! You're ill I think.” He sounded even more worried than he had already the whole day. Niall really tried but he couldn't hold back a quiet sob. If he was only ill, everything would be fine. But he wasn't ill! He was molested and violated. He just wanted it to stop. How should he hide his current state? It was almost impossible. Maybe he was lucky and there weren't bruises in his face, but he knew that around his neck handprints would be visible by tomorrow and he could feel the bump swelling on the back of his head where he had collided with the floor earlier.  
His rib was definitely broken! He was so sure about it. His whole chest was on fire and his ribs … there wasn't really a comparison. Maybe his bum for the last few days. So how should he hide it? He needed excuses, needed to lie. And he really didn't like to lie at all. But he did though.   
“I'm not feeling well. Guess I cached a cold.” According to the sound of his voice that wasn't even a lie. He sounded as if he had cached a pretty bad cold. His throat really was hurting and felt so sore. And he was tired. He just wanted to sleep, but he couldn't.  
“Do you want a tea? You should drink something, love.” Louis suggested and left quickly without waiting for an answer. A few seconds later he was back. “Liam's making you a tea. Here … I've got some water for you. C'mon, sit up. You've gotta drink.”  
Niall really tried to turn around, didn't want Louis to be suspicious, but his whole body hurt too much. And he kind of forgot about the tears streaming down his face.  
“Shit! You really are feeling bad. Damn it, Niall. You should see yourself. Why are you crying?” Louis was leaning over him now, looking into Niall's face, curious and shocked at once.  
“Just not feeling well.” Niall tried to stop Louis from making a fuss out of it, but he clearly didn't convince him. Maybe that was because of the yelp leaving his lips when he turned around a little bit more. The pain increased even more and he had to squeeze his eyes close to catch his breath. He felt dizzy again. The pain was too much.  
“What is it? I'm not stupid. You're acting weird for the last few days now and you're hurt. I can see it. It's not only a cold, is it? C'mon Niall, please talk to me.” Louis pleaded but Niall just sniffled and tried to breath evenly. He couldn't tell Louis anyway. “Niall?!”   
“Do you have any painkillers?”  
“Sure … wait.” Louis was gone again and when he arrived the next time, he handed Niall a pill and the water. “You've gotta sit up to drink.”  
Niall tensed his muscles in attempt to sit up but no chance. He cried out, the pain in his rib worse, even though he had been sure that it couldn't get any worse.  
“Niall, fuck. What is it? Where are you hurt? And why?”   
Niall's jaw clenched and he grabbed for the glass and the pill in Louis' hands. Somehow he actually managed to swallow both of it, accompanied by a scratching pain in his throat, but he ignored it as good as possible. Then he laid back again and closed his eyes. His cheeks were practically swimming in tears now. His crying hadn't broken off yet.  
“Niall, please. What … Does … Does it have anything to do with Zayn?” Louis suddenly asked and Niall stopped breathing. He hadn't expected a question like that. He had to lie. He had to! But no word left his mouth. He just lay there. His eyes closed. The tears constantly streaming down his face. “Shit! What did he do?” Louis asked now, obviously he had noticed Niall's silence and had interpret it in the right way.  
Niall still couldn't answer. But somehow his tongue was finally able to form at least one word when he heard Zayn's voice wavering over to him and Louis. “Is Niall okay?”  
Niall's only answer was “No.” It wasn't directed at Zayn … well probably it was! But he meant Louis. Zayn's voice alone made him shudder and shaking. He just had to hide everything. Louis couldn't find out. Zayn would kill him. “Zayn didn't do anything.” He said weak. And that was exactly the way he felt again. Because he was fucking weak. He didn't stop Zayn … again! Because he was so scared and pathetic. He lied again. He protected Zayn. The man who had hurt him in ways, no one should ever hurt a living being. No one! Never! So why couldn't he tell the truth?  
“Are you sure? Ni, if he does anything … you can tell me. I'm really worried and everything is just odd.” Louis pressed him on but Niall just shook his head. He couldn't tell him. He was too frightened and too weak.  
“No. He didn't do anything.”  
“So you are okay? You and Zayn?”  
“Yes.” Niall said sniffling and turned his head away from Louis.  
“You love him, don't you?” Louis asked and still sounded suspicious. But Niall couldn't lie. Not when it came to love. He hated Zayn. He really learned to hate one of his best friends. But everything he had done so far had only been cruel, nothing else. So he remained quiet. And before Louis could enlarge upon the topic, Zayn appeared next to him and somehow distracted him. Niall ignored them. He didn't want to hear Zayn again.  
So he stared at the wall in front of him again and after a while, when the painkillers started to operate finally, he drifted off into a sleep full of nightmares with Zayn and everything that had taken place today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys that it took me so long :(   
> I'll answer to your comments tomorrow since it's already 1:42am here and I need to sleep xx  
> I hope ao3 isn't crashing again :P ^^


	6. Chapter 6

The painkillers Niall was taking over the next day were kind of what helped him to survive the time until the concert was going to start. He didn't come with the boys to be at the soundcheck and rather stayed in the bus. He knew that his voice was still very raspy and that he wouldn't be able to sing the whole concert but at least he had to try to not make anyone even more suspicious.  
Fortunately there were no bruises in his face and he could hide the handprints on his neck by using a scarf. No one could think that he was not using this scarf because of his hoarse voice and more to hide anything. Moving and even breathing was hard though. His rib was hurting as hell and he could barely stand but he gave his best to hide his state in front of the other boys. The painkillers at least held the pain down a little bit.  
Well … when it was time for the concert, the boys decided though that Niall wouldn't be able to do the it. Niall protested, but he didn't have chance. He sounded horrible and his voice had not become any better. He was so exhausted and walking was torture. At the beginning he protested against staying in the bus instead of going to the concert. He really wanted to play, even though he knew that he absolutely couldn't.  
Paul came over and after a single glance at Niall, he passed his verdict on the case. Niall wouldn't make the concert. And actually Paul wanted a doctor to check on Niall, but the blonde refused to let anyone near him and wanted to go to bed instead.

About a week passed and Niall felt better again. His bruises, of course, weren't healed completely. Probably because Zayn still kept on hitting him and he even came into Niall's bunk during the night. He didn't stop touching him. He didn't stop making Niall feel disgusted. He didn't stop hurting him with all his gestures. The mental abuse was worse than the beating.  
Every time Zayn let his hands slip down Niall's thin and used body, he just wanted to throw up. Every time he felt Zayn pushing inside of him, it was the same feeling as always. He got ripped apart and the pain had even knocked him out twice. But it wasn't only the pain, it was the thought alone to know that Zayn was inside of him. That Niall couldn't 'prevent' him from pushing inside of him … abusing him. Everything was so disgusting. The threats, the 'loving' words, the whispered moaning.  
And all above that … to know that the other lads were definitely able to hear them. Zayn's moans, Niall's whimpering and maybe even Niall's sniffled sobs and his quiet pleading for Zayn to stop. But supposedly they didn't. Because Niall couldn't really think that they wouldn't at least help him when they heard it … even though they'd be disgusted by Niall and they would think Niall was weak and pathetic.

It was during the week that they finally had a few days off. They were at a hotel, everyone with an own room and Niall had hope that Zayn wouldn't come over tonight. Maybe he could finally sleep alone in his bed without fear and nightmares. He just wanted one single night without hearing Zayn's breathes and feeling his skin pressed against his back.  
He locked himself in his hotel room as soon as he arrived, no intention to leave the room again for the next few hours. Of course he knew that the crew had a keycard for his room and if one of the boys wanted to come over, they'd just ask for the spare keycard and come in, just the way they were used to, but maybe he was lucky and everyone was happy with just being alone for some time.  
Well … he was wrong. The person coming over didn't have the keycard. Instead of opening the door, the person knocked. Niall was frightened again. Of course he was. There was a possibility that it was Zayn coming in. Though he stood up and walked around the corner, through the short hallway and waited in front of the door.  
“Who's there?” He asked instead of opening right away.  
“It's me … Harry.”  
A smile appeared on Niall's face immediately. Probably he hadn't wanted to see anyone about a minute ago … but if he would have needed to pick someone who would bother him the less … he'd have picked Harry.  
He quickly opened the door and let the curly boy inside. Harry smiled at him and walked straight over to Niall's bed. Niall followed and hesitated for about a second until he sat down next to Harry.  
“I think we need to talk.” Harry said quietly and bit onto his lower lip. The smile was gone and he looked serious.  
“About what?” Niall asked and he felt his heart sink constantly. Talking was never good. What if Harry had noticed something? He really didn't want to lie to Harry.   
“About us.” Harry whispered and locked his eyes with Niall's.  
Niall swallowed hard. 'Us'. Niall liked the idea of an 'us' … 'we'.  
“What is it?” He chased up.  
Harry smiled lightly again. He took Niall's hand in his own hand and Niall's heart almost exploded. Harry's touch was so soft … his grip was nothing like Zayn's. His skin fit perfectly against Niall's and Niall just hoped that he'd never let go of his hand again.  
“Do you like me, Niall? I mean we kissed twice and you kind of told me that you don't love Zayn so … I was wondering how you feel about me.” Harry's voice was calming and low like always. He sounded curious, not reproaching or threatening at all. It was just Harry's voice … with a little hint of something Niall could only ever hear when Harry was talking to him.  
“I … I don't know.” Niall stammered. He was scared. Could he say the truth? He wanted to but would Harry understand? He couldn't risk losing Harry. He needed him.   
But why should Harry had kissed him, if he didn't like Niall at all? Well … Niall couldn't believe that Harry would ever love him … because Zayn had made him unloveable, he had made him disgusting and not worth anyone's love. But maybe Harry could like him. A little bit. It would have been enough for Niall. If Harry would only like him. But he himself couldn't admit his feelings right now. Not without any confirmation of Harry not leaving him now. He was too scared.  
“Hey … you can tell me, Niall.” Harry whispered and lifted Niall's head with his finger under Niall's chin. Blue eyes met green ones. “Don't be scared.”  
Niall slightly shook his head. He couldn't tell.  
“You don't like me?” Harry asked and pulled back a little bit. He pouted and looked sad out of a sudden. He understood Niall's head shaking totally wrong.  
“No … that's not what I meant. I … I just can't tell you. I mean … I ...” Niall didn't know what to say and how to explain his problem.  
“So you do like me?” Hope was glittering in Harry's eyes and he leaned for again.  
“I … Harry, why do you want to know that?”  
Harry smiled and leaned in even more. “Because I like you. A lot.” He whispered and Niall had problems to catch his breath. Harry liked him? Why?  
“You do?”  
“Of course I do Niall. You … What do you think why I kissed you?”  
Niall shrugged and looked down on the blanket. “I dunno.”  
“Well … I told you know. I really like you Niall. And I just want to know how you feel about me. Please tell me.”  
Now that Niall was sure that Harry wouldn't leave he could admit it, couldn't he?  
“I love you.” Niall's eyes widened in shock. That wasn't what he had wanted to say. The words had just slipped out of his mouth without him even realizing before it had been too late. “Shit … 'M sorry.” He mumbled quickly and blushed. His eyes still fixed on the mattress beneath him. How should he fix that? Know that Harry had told him, that he liked Niall … Niall had to destroy it again. He didn't want to overwhelm Harry and he had done. For sure.  
“No … Oh God, Niall, don't excuse. I – fuck! Niall, I love you, too. I just didn't want to overwhelm you by telling you already. I figured it was too early, but … gosh!” Harry said and leaned in without hesitating. Before Niall knew what was about to happen, Harry kissed him. The meaning behind his words reached Niall about a second later.  
He kissed him back. Hope and luck spread over his whole body. Hot. Sparkling. Prickling. He couldn't believe Harry had said that he loved him. He couldn't. Zayn had told him that no one could love him anymore, except Zayn. No one. And Harry wasn't no one! Harry was everything. Especially to Niall.  
Tears of happiness were streaming down his cheeks before he could hold them back. It was the best moment in weeks for Niall, probably even months. For a moment it felt as if someone had turned on the light. Interrupting a very long night. Interrupting the darkness.   
He wasn't alone anymore. There was Harry. And Harry had told him that he loved him. Niall still couldn't understand but he loved kissing Harry. He loved enjoying the moment. Loved feeling loved and safe.  
Harry licked over Niall's shaking bottom lip and asked for entrance. Niall parted his lips and met Harry's tongue with his own almost immediately. Their tongues started dancing around each other, caressed loving and send sparks through Niall's body. He leaned in even more and felt Harry's hands on his hips. He liked Harry touching him. But he also knew that he couldn't go too far. Not after what Zayn had done to him. Or better to say … what Zayn still did to him.  
But it was Harry right now. And touching was okay. At least a little bit. It wasn't a big deal. At least Niall tried to convince himself when Harry pulled him onto his lap. Niall didn't feel uncomfortable. But he'd prefer not to sit on Harry already. He loved Harry. Of course he did. And he wanted to sleep with Harry. Just not now. Some day. In the future. Probably he was overreacting, but it just didn't feel right.  
He liked Harry's hands on his body. But not this way. Not yet. He just wanted to kiss him and being hold. He didn't want Harry's hands to slip down his back and resting on his bum. He didn't want Harry to squeeze his bum and press him down against his crotch. He didn't want Harry to grind against him. And he absolutely didn't want to feel Harry's erection. Not YET!   
He panicked slightly and pulled away quickly. “I – please. Don't!” Niall breathed out and was scared right away. The last time he had said something like that and had tried to make someone stop he got raped though and beaten up. He saw Harry's confused look and felt bad immediately. If not to say extremely frightened. “Sorry. It's just ...”  
“... going too fast. Don't be sorry. It's okay, love.” Harry said and the smile was back. He took his hands from Niall's bum and rested them to his cheeks. “I don't want you to excuse for something like that. If you don't want me to touch you, just tell me and I'll stop.”  
Niall hiccuped and had to look away. Harry didn't force him to anything. Niall didn't know what to think about that. Had he expected anything else? He didn't know. Maybe. But it was Harry and Harry wouldn't hurt him. He wasn't like Zayn. And this was the way everyone should react to being told to stop. Not the way Zayn always did.  
“Thank you.” Niall sobbed and leaned in, pressed his lips to Harry's again. He really was so thankful. Harry was so nice.  
“Wait.” The curly one said and pulled away again. He looked at Niall startled and kind of alarmed. “Did you expect me to say anything else? Why wouldn't I stop if you told me to?”  
Niall just shook his head. He really didn't want to talk right now. So he kissed Harry again and this time, Harry didn't stop him.  
Everything felt so right. And he was so happy that Harry didn't ask about Zayn at all. Of course they'd have to talk about Zayn any time soon. But not right now. Right now only Niall and Harry counted. No one else.  
So they kept snogging. Niall was still sitting on Harry's lap, but this time he felt comfortable and wasn't scared. He liked Harry's hands roaming over his neck and his cheeks. It wasn't sexual. Just loving.  
“WHAT THE HELL?” A voice ripped them apart out of a sudden. It came from the small hallway, that separated Niall's room from the door to his room. And there was standing a person, Niall saw when he turned his head a little bit. It was Liam.  
“What are you doing there?” Liam asked, his eyes opened in shock and anger.  
Niall clenched and pressed himself against Harry's protecting body. He was scared of the older boy.  
“Calm down, Liam.” Harry said and hugged Niall tight, obviously noticing that Niall wasn't fine.  
“NO! Hell I'm not going to calm down. I just saw you guys snogging! You and Niall! Are you fucking crazy? He has a boyfriend. Your best friend is his boyfriend and you guys are making out! Fuck it! That's so striking below the belt! Niall! Why the hell are you cheating on Zayn? He's so in love with you and always there for you … and … and you? You're a complete arse! Just like you Harry! Gosh I can't believe it!”  
“Finished?” Harry asked snappily.   
“Shut the fuck up, Harry! You guys really have to explain all of that to me! Right now!”  
“We're in love.” Harry said simply and shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal at all.  
“YOU'RE WHAT?” Liam shouted. “Are you fucking kidding me? Niall! Say something! You're with Zayn!”  
“I know.” Niall answered and became smaller by every second. Nothing but the truth would be able to explain and excuse these circumstances. But Niall couldn't say the truth.  
“You know? You fucking know? Why are you doing that? Don't you love Zayn?”  
Niall pulled his head between his shoulders and pressed his face even more against Harry. He COULDN'T explain it.  
“Niall?” Harry asked quietly and lifted his chin. “You don't need to answer. You know that, yeah?”  
Niall sniffled and nodded slightly. But he wasn't sure. Didn't he have to answer? Wasn't he supposed to? What if Liam got angry?  
In fact Liam took a step closer to the bed. “Niall answer! You're cheating! And I really want to know what makes you do something like that.”  
He came closer. And closer. And even closer. Niall started to shake. Liam was so angry. There was absolutely no reason for Niall to be afraid of Liam, but he was though. Zayn had changed out of a sudden, so who could guarantee him, that Liam wouldn't? Liam could beat him. He could do even more.  
Niall pressed himself as close to Harry as possible without slipping inside of the curly haired boy and hid his face.  
“NIALL!” Liam hissed and Niall whimpered. Liam sounded so angry. He would beat him. Niall was so sure. He was only waiting for Liam's fist to smash against his already abused body.  
“Stop it, Liam!” Harry said loudly and then directed his words at Niall. “Ni, are you scared? Hey? Baby you don't need to be scared.” Harry seemed shocked and confused. Niall could tell that Harry and Liam exchanged wondering looks.  
“Niall?” Liam asked, now much nicer. But Niall was still scared. He felt like a little baby hiding not to get a punishment.   
“Why is he so frightened of you? What did you do?” Harry hissed.  
“Nothing. I swear!” Liam answered. “Niall, what is it? Talk to us. I promise I won't hurt you or anything.”  
Liam sounded concerned now and that was something Zayn never really did. He acted as if he was concerned sometimes, but Niall was perfectly able to see the difference. So he figured that it was safe again to pull away. He didn't dare to look at Liam though.  
“Are you okay, again?” Harry whispered in Niall's ear. The blonde nodded.  
“Are you scared I'd tell Zayn? I won't! That wouldn't be fair. That's your task, honestly. If you don't want to be with him, then you've to tell him, Niall! But if you decide to stay in a relationship with Zayn, then you shouldn't hook up with Harry, or whatever you guys do!”   
Niall nodded. He knew that Liam was right. Well actually. But the situation was a little bit more complicated and he didn't want to give up on Harry. He needed him. Probably was the only spark that kept him going. Without Harry … he didn't know what he'd do without Harry. And now that he knew how Harry felt about him, he just couldn't let that slip away again. He really NEEDED Harry!   
“So? Well actually I just wanted to get you guys. Zayn, Louis and I wanted to watch a movie. Are you in?” Liam asked but it was obvious that he wouldn't accept a 'no' right now. He wouldn't leave Harry and Niall alone. Not after what he had seen.   
“Yeah, we're coming. Just give us a minute.” Harry said and Liam hesitated before he nodded and left the room. His facial expression still slightly hard.  
“Are you alright?” Harry asked and Niall croaked out a “Yes”.  
Harry didn't look as if he believed him. But he didn't probe. Instead he leaned in and kissed Niall on the lips again. Only for a few seconds, but it helped Niall to collect himself.  
“I think we really need to talk about Zayn later. It's important that you tell me, why you're with him even though you … don't love him. Okay? But not now. Let's go to the others.”  
Harry stood up and pulled Niall with him. He kissed him again. Then he took his hand until they stepped into the corridor.


	7. Chapter 7

It was two days later when Niall found himself sitting on a couch in Liam's room, watching TV again. Liam was still looking at Niall and Harry with furrowed eyebrows, but he still hadn't said anything again. Niall had met Harry over the last two days a few times. They had not talked about Zayn yet. They had kissed innocently, nothing more. But Niall was happy with it. He didn't want to go further.  
Zayn had been sleeping in his room at night. There was no escape and Zayn kept on raping him. He had started to humiliate him with his words even more. Pretended that Niall liked everything he did to him and made Niall beg for more, even though the blonde actually just wanted him to stop.  
However, right now he was sitting next to Zayn. The dark haired lad had pulled him against his chest and kept kissing his blonde hairs or even pressed kisses to Niall's mouth.  
Niall felt so uncomfortable. He felt Harry looking at them, sad. And though he couldn't change it.  
“So what shall we watch?” Louis asked and scrolled through the media library. “What about Grease?”  
“NO, not again!” Liam said resolutely. “What's that? We could watch a series. What about Law & Order?”  
Harry shrugged. “Yeah why not. I've never watched that before.”  
“But then Law & Order SVU!” Zayn demanded and Niall had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. He had never watched Law & Order, but if everyone was happy with it, he wouldn't complain.  
Louis picked any random episode and pressed play. Zayn turned to Niall and leaned in even closer. Niall felt his breath tickling over the warm skin on his neck and shuddered. Zayn's nose nudged against his ear and then he heard him whisper. “You're going to enjoy watching it.”   
Niall didn't know why Zayn said that. At least not yet. But he figured out a few minutes later. The episode was about a rape victim, just as the whole SVU series. Abuse, rape, paedophilia … all of that. In this case it was a woman being raped. And one could see it. Not in much detail, but Niall clenched though. He heard the woman beg for the man to stop. She whimpered, sobbed and he shut her up with a single slap into her face.  
Niall had to swallow hard. Fuck. He didn't want to see something like that. It reminded him too much of everything Zayn did to him almost every day.  
“God, I really don't understand how anyone can do something like that.” Louis said disgusted and pressed pause when the scene changed. “I need some water? Anyone else?”  
Everyone shook their heads, except Niall. He was too caught up by the situation and the pictures still repeating in front of his inner-eye.  
“'kay then.” Louis croaked out and walked over to the mini bar, took his water and sat back down again.  
“What the hell are we watching there? I don't like to watch something with rape victims.” Harry said and pouted. “I really don't get why someone would like to do such things.”  
“Oh me neither! I mean … 'No' means 'No'! Especially when it comes to sex. If one really needs sex, then … I don't know. Not like that! I really don't get it.” Liam screwed up his nose.  
“It's not really fun, if the other person doesn't enjoy it, is it?!” Louis cocked his head and looked at everybody around.  
Niall couldn't move. He didn't want to talk about rape with his best friends. And especially not with Zayn!  
“Well.” Zayn suddenly said and nibbled at Niall's neck for a few seconds until he kept going. “I think there are some people who actually do enjoy it much more than normal sex. I think it's the idea of being so much stronger and having someone without the choice of saying no or yes. These people just take whatever they want and like the power they feel while doing whatever they want with the … victim.”  
Niall started shivering. And it became even worse when Zayn kissed the soft skin under his ear.  
“That's disgusting.” Harry said.  
“People who think that way and who put their enjoyment over people's health and … gosh they're destroying other people's life! They really should be punished very hard! All of them.” Liam decided and Niall felt Zayn smile against his neck.  
“I could hurl! Honestly!” Louis sounded angry.  
Harry just nodded. “I really hope that I don't know a person like that. Just imagine one of your friends doing things like that. For fuck's sake … I'm really happy that you guys would never do something such things.” Liam breathed out and that was the moment Niall couldn't stay any longer.  
He jumped to his feet and had to wipe his tears away already. Hearing things like that and still didn't have any hope for help really made him sick. He couldn't be touched by Zayn anymore. It was too humiliating.  
He ran to the door. Heard Liam's called “Niall?” behind him, but he simply couldn't stay. He knew that Zayn would be angry because of Niall's reaction, but did it make any difference?   
Angry or not, Zayn would rape him. Didn't he just admit indirectly that he liked it without his partner wanting it? So he wouldn't stop raping him. Never! The only difference, Niall had figured out by now was, that Zayn was more violent and hurt him much more when he was angry. Sometimes he only punched him, without anything sexual. But Niall couldn't tell what was expecting him now. Cause Zayn was angry again, for sure. Maybe he would rip him apart. Or he would just punch him until he was unconscious. Or both. Or he would choke him until he blacked out. Who knew?  
He couldn't escape anyway. So did it make any difference?  
Niall ran to his room. His limbs heavy from the fear. He trudged himself inside his room and dropped down on the floor just when he reached his bed. He didn't want to sit on the bed though. The floor was better. He would end there anyway. So why even trying to get at least a little bit comfy?  
He had to wait about a minute until the door opened again. It slammed against the wall and Niall flinched. He was practically dead.  
Well … Zayn was brutal when he grabbed Niall and pressed him onto the floor properly. He didn't leave any bruises in places visible for anyone though. Of course not … after their previous conversation the boys would be more vigilant. So Zayn had to be careful.  
He wasn't when it came to hurting Niall.  
“You little slut! How dare you just running away? What if they understood what that meant? Do you have any idea what I'll do to you when they find out?” Zayn hissed and slammed Niall's head onto the floor. Niall winced in pain and wished to pass out already. Only to miss what Zayn was going to do to him right now.  
“Even if they knew they wouldn't help you. Because no one will ever be able to like you after finding out! And you belong to me! Do you understand that?” Zayn's voice was so distorted with rage. He leaned forward and pressed his lips onto Niall's shaking ones. He started biting Niall's lower lip and sucked it in, then he let his whole body drop onto Niall and started grinding against him. “You're mine!” Zayn said and to make it clear, he quickly ripped Niall's clothes off.   
Niall shook his head. He didn't want it again. But he was at a point already that he knew fighting was useless. Though, when Zayn undressed, he started pleading again. He knew that it wouldn't make a difference, but he couldn't let it happen without saying 'no'!  
“Please Zayn.” He sobbed out. “Stop. Not again. Please. Not again.”  
Zayn only smirked and was between Niall's legs within seconds. “I want you to look at me, babe. When I destroy you're cute little arse.”  
Niall tried to squirm away, only a little bit, but Zayn was faster. At least he had lubed himself up before he started pushing in. No prep though. Niall screamed, it was the first time for days that he actually screamed because the pain was so intense.  
“Here we go.” Zayn whispered and leaned for to force the blonde into a deep kiss. Niall's cheeks were so wet and the pain made his view blurry. His whole body was hurting. So much. “How much do you love me, Niall? Tell me!”  
Niall clearly wasn't in a position to refuse, so he just told Zayn what he wanted to hear. “I love you so much.” He croaked out, his voice faint.  
“Yeah, so much, don't you, babe? And what do you want me to do now? Tell me!”  
Niall shut his eyes. He couldn't watch Zayn any longer. Everything was so humiliating.  
“Fuck me.” Niall whispered, hoping that Zayn would be so pleased with him, that he would leave him alone.  
But Zayn didn't show mercy. He pulled out almost completely only to push inside again with a strength that let Niall slide over the floor. He felt his back rip open and starting to bleed and to sting because of the friction of the carpet. But Zayn didn't stop.  
Niall wasn't even crying anymore. He wasn't shaking. He wasn't pleading. He wasn't hoping. He was just numb. Numb and apathetic. And when Zayn hit his prostate dead on, it became too much and he finally passed out.

The next few days were horrible. They had two shows and Niall couldn't move again. He was feeling so bad and of course the other lads noticed. Liam started to talk to him a few times, but Niall always turned away and shrugged him off with simple “It's nothing. I'm okay.”  
Harry became suspicious. He wanted to know why Niall was moving so carefully again and why he didn't want to be alone with him anymore. He guessed that Niall had decided to be with Zayn but Niall wasn't talking. So it was difficult for Harry to understand.  
Louis was stubborn. He didn't let go off Niall quite so often and tried to press the topic. He kind of seemed to have an idea but didn't want to say it yet. Probably he was scared to start something and then being wrong. Or right. Both options weren't good at all. So he only left it with watching. Coincidence or not, Niall had the feeling that Louis didn't let him and Zayn be alone so much anymore. He was always present. And Niall was so thankful for that.  
But Zayn always found some time to turn to Niall and have his 'fun'. Niall was a mess. Especially after the last time, a few hours before the concert started. He got ripped apart once again and he had a huge wound on his hipbone. His back was bleeding again, had been pressed onto the floor way too hard. And he was limping. Not only because of his hurting bum, but also because of his bruised thighs.   
The show was too much. He tried to pull himself together but during the short toilet break, he kind of broke down. His legs gave way and his knees crashed onto the floor. Only Zayn and Louis were with him and Louis was at his side within seconds.  
“Niall? What the fuck … are you alright?”  
Niall nodded absent-mindedly. He tried to stand up again, but his legs were shaking too much. He only managed with Louis help and had the older boy clutched onto his side from that moment on. Zayn of course pretended to care, too. He did a good job, was convincing as always but as soon as the concert was over and he found a second with Niall alone, he was like a different person again.  
“What was that?” He asked, turning around to his 'boyfriend' and walked over to him through the sticky fitting room.  
“I – I'm sorry.” Niall whispered and he really was. But only because he was so scared. Scared of what would happen to him now.  
“Oh I bet you are! Why can't you control yourself? Do you want them to find out? You know they wouldn't help you. They would be disgusted. You know that! You don't have a choice to get away and deep inside of you, you know that you don't want to leave me. You love me! You need me! So why aren't you more careful?”   
Niall didn't know. His only reaction right now was backing away. He was so frightened. Zayn would rape him again. In this fitting room. He wouldn't care about the others being only a room or two away. He would hurt him! Again.  
Zayn came closer. His eyes formed to slits. “You'll regret it! I love you so much, Niall. I can't let you try to get away. I just can't! I've to show you how much you belong to me.”  
Niall shook his head, pleading. And maybe that was too much disobeying and wrong acting for Zayn. His hand darted forward and crashed against Niall's jaw. “You little slut! I know what's best for you!” Zayn shouted and his hand found it's way to Niall's face again. Then he grabbed Niall's shoulders and hurled him against the wall. Niall's eyes shut already. He knew what was coming next. He didn't want to see. It was enough to feel Zayn rushing over to him. He felt Zayn's fist collide with the still not fixed rib and he winced in pain, sunk down, pressed against the wall.  
“What the fuck is going on here?!” It wasn't Zayn raising his voice. Niall knew the voice but he had difficulties to match it right away. Probably because of the pain. Or because of his own heart pounding inside of his head. He opened his eyes again and suddenly the voice had a face.  
It was Louis, standing next to Zayn and pulling him away from Niall. “What are you doing? Are you crazy?” Louis sounded angry. Very angry! “I swear! Go away as fast as you can, or I promise you the next time you'll wake up will be in a hospital.” He threatened Zayn and Zayn was leaving the room as quickly as possible. Not even bothering to look back at Louis or Niall.  
Niall was sitting there, pressed against the wall and his legs tucked against his chest. Louis turned to him, dropped onto his knees and crawled as close as he was able to without touching Niall.  
“What happened?” He asked, but Niall wasn't able to speak. He just couldn't. Zayn had told him not to say a single word and he knew that either Louis wouldn't believe him or he would leave him right away because of disgust.  
“Niall, please tell me! Was it the first time he hit you?” Louis sounded so concerned and worried. And Niall couldn't hold back a short shake of his head. Louis inhaled sharply and lifted his hand, let it sink onto Niall's knee and petted him through the fabric.  
“It was him? The whole time? He is the reason why you're constantly hurt and not really able to walk properly? Shit. It makes sense. I wasn't sure if I only imagined you being THAT hurt. But obviously you are.”  
Niall couldn't react. Louis was so close to finding out the truth and he was so scared he'd leave him or … what ever. Get angry? Be disgusted? Back away because of thinking he was wrong and Niall was lying. So he really couldn't agree to anything.  
“Niall just say something! When did it start? Talk to me!”   
Niall shook his head.  
“Why not? Are you scared?”  
Niall didn't react but somehow it seemed to be answer enough for Louis. “Shit.” He whispered. “Shit!” Louis let his hand slip into the crook of Niall's neck and pulled him in. He hugged him. Very close and it hurt, but it felt so so good. Niall felt kind of safe, even though he was still scared Louis would be disgusted or would leave if he found out the whole truth.  
“Listen, love … you don't need to be scared anymore. I'll protect you, okay?”  
Niall shook his head. “No! You don't need to.” His voice was quiet, but he needed to say this. He didn't want Louis to protect him. He'd only get pulled in as well. Niall would sort it out on his own. And what if Louis didn't want to help him any longer when he found out what was actually going on? Niall couldn't stand it. The hope and then being dropped again.  
“He was hitting you when I came in. Shit, would he have stopped, if I hadn't seen it?”   
Niall couldn't answer it. He knew the answer, of course he did. But he didn't want Louis to know as well.  
“When did it start?” Louis asked again and nuzzled his face against Niall's neck. “You can tell me anything. I promise, I'll listen and I won't leave you. And Zayn will never find out I know about it. Is that better?”  
It was! That was everything Niall wanted to hear. No promises like protecting. He wanted to talk about it, but he didn't want Louis to leave after he told him. He didn't want Louis to be in danger. And he didn't want to be in danger either. Zayn just shouldn't find out about Niall finally talking about everything.   
“It started right at the beginning of our relationship.” He croaked out and tried to concentrate on Louis breathing. It calmed him down somehow. “I never wanted to be with him. He made me to. I – I don't love him, you know? I just couldn't get away.”  
Niall whimpered quietly when he felt Louis clench against his body. Then the older boy pulled back a little bit. His eyes were worried and opened in shock.  
“Niall … does it mean … I … uhm. Fuck!” Louis breathed out and shook his head, then he looked back to Niall. “I've heard you. All of us did. In the bus, a few times. You were having sex. And now you're telling me, you never wanted to be in a relationship with him and you don't love him. Does that mean he … Shit! Did he force you to have sex with him?”  
Niall couldn't stand his glance any longer. He felt so pitiful. He didn't want Louis to know so precisely what had happened. But of course, Louis wasn't stupid and he had heard him and Zayn in the bunk. So lying was unnecessary by now.   
“Yes.” Niall whispered and a single tear left his eye and rolled down his cheek, dropped onto the floor.  
“Oh my God.” Louis said and Niall could see out of the corner of his eye that Louis looked terrified. “He raped you the whole time? While we were listening? And all the times he touched you … you didn't want it?”  
Niall nodded slightly.  
“FUCK! I'll kill him! I swear. Gosh, Niall why haven't you said a word when it happened in the bunk? We would have helped you.”  
“I couldn't. He threatened me to stay silent. I just … You wouldn't have believed me anyway.” Niall sniffled and slipped away from Louis on the ground. “I knew you'd be disgusted if I told you. Zayn said so as well.”   
“No! No, Niall. I'm disgusted! But not by you. I would have helped you. Don't you believe I wouldn't like you anymore. Oh Nialler. Please. You can tell me anything. I'll always help you. You're our little sunshine, love. Please don't believe Zayn.”  
Louis pulled Niall back in an embrace and Niall clenched. He was still scared. Zayn would make him pay afterwards. It hit him now. Zayn wouldn't approve Niall telling Louis. Even if Louis wouldn't tell him, he would know. So he had to rescue what he could right now.   
“It doesn't matter anyway. It's not as bad as it sounds. Don't worry. We'll sort it out.”  
“No way! I'll sort it out! Ni, you can't think, I'd let you go back to him.”  
“It's not your decision, Lou. I'm old enough. And Zayn isn't a bad person. Maybe I wasn't explicitly enough. I'll tell him again what I don't like him to do all of this and he'll listen.”  
Niall hated lying. But the fear was back. He was so scared of Zayn punishing him for telling and he didn't think that Louis could change anything. Louis was small and even though he was a powerful person, Zayn was stronger. And Zayn would hurt Louis. So Niall had to protect his friend. Even if that meant, that he had to pay. He was used to it anyway.  
“I really don't think that's a good idea. Niall, you just told me that he has raped you over and over again. And suddenly you're changing your mind again and are telling me, that it's okay? It's not okay. You don't need to take it any longer. You need help. You're hurt! And I don't only mean physically but also mentally. Please let me help you.”  
“No. You don't understand, Louis. It's okay. You can't change it anyway. Maybe I love him … I don't know. I just hit my head very hard … I don't know what I was talking about. Never mind. Just … just please don't tell anyone. And mind your own business.”  
Louis shook his head again, when Niall wriggled out of his arms and stood up. His face twisted in pain.  
“No way. Why did you change your mind? You're really fucking scared, aren't you? I can't let you go back to him again.”  
“Yes you can! It's my decision only. I want to go back.” Niall's voice sounded hoarse again. He didn't want to go back to Zayn. Absolutely not. But he had to, he knew. What did just came over him? Why had he told Louis? He must had been crazy. Zayn would kill him! And Louis as well.  
“God, Niall. I really don't know what to say right now. Really horrible things happened to you. And if you don't let me help you … I can't make it stop. You've gotta trust me. You don't need to be scared. Just let me help you.”  
“No, Louis. I'm fine. It's fine. Never mind.”  
“Damn it. It's not fine! But … if you clearly don't want my help right now, please promise me to tell me if you change your mind. And if you need to talk … please talk to me.”  
Niall could tell that Louis would freak out sooner or later. He'd hurt Zayn! And he wouldn't accept the whole situation. Not now, that he knew what had happened. And Niall also knew, that he couldn't take back what he had said. He wasn't completely sure if he wanted to take it back either. There was little glimpse of hope that Louis might find a way to help him, without getting hurt. He just didn't know how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha I almost forgot to update here because of "Drag me down"  
> Oh my God it's fucking perfect and I should sleep but well ... I can't stop listening to it :D I bet you guys aren't feeling any different and I just hope that you find some time between listening to that god damn amazing single to read the new chapter. Thanks for your comments so far and there's only going to be one chapter after this one so ... enjoy. xx


	8. Chapter 8

Niall didn't see Zayn again, until the next afternoon. Zayn was careful at first but when Louis didn't run to him straightaway, he dropped all the hesitation. He was disgusting as always. Not visible for the boys of course, but for Niall all the more. Niall noticed Louis looking at them. He could tell that Louis was indeed angry and that Zayn's acting made him even more furious. But yet he didn't say a word. Not even when Zayn pulled Niall onto his lap and started kissing his neck. Niall couldn't help but clench. He knew what was going to come. Zayn would hurt him worse than ever tonight. And there was no way for him to prevent it.  
He couldn't eat, he couldn't act normal and he couldn't distract himself or Louis from the obvious. He was so scared. And when he figured that he needed at least an hour to himself, he quickly left the communal room and ran to his own room … as fast as possible, since he was still pretty hurt and he was so sure his rib was really broken.  
Zayn wouldn't come over by now. He had left to go to his own room a few minutes ago and probably he wasn't in the mood to punish Niall right now. Later tonight. Niall knew it already.

(Louis' point of view)  
Back in the communal room, it was quiet since Niall had left. Only Louis, Liam, Harry and Paul were sitting in the room and everyone else was gone. Louis had thought about telling the boys since he knew about it. And to see how horrible Niall was clearly feeling, didn't make it any better. Zayn seemed to feel free and didn't act any differently with Niall. So he had to say something. He couldn't let it go on like that any longer. And he knew that he wouldn't be able to make a change on his own. He needed Liam's, Harry's and maybe Paul's help to make clear that something like at the moment wouldn't happen again to Niall.  
“I've gotta tell you something.” He said quietly and looked around. The others seemed surprised but nodded. They were spread out onto the two large sofas standing in the room. Liam was the closest to him, Paul farthermost.  
“What is it?” Liam wanted to know.  
“Do I finally get to know more about Niall's weird behaviour?” Paul asked and Harry's eyes widened.   
“Is it about Niall?” Harry seemed scared.   
Louis nodded. “Yes it is.” He had to clear his throat to speak properly. It was so hard to say what had happened and was still happening. Zayn was still their friend. Well … actually Louis didn't know how to feel about Zayn anymore.  
“You've all noticed how strange he was behaving lately. And … that he has been hurt almost the whole time.”  
“Sure we did. But he never wanted to tell why he was hurt. I mean he was in pain, I could tell, but why?” Paul asked and looked questioning.  
“Well, he told me why.” Louis said and had to clear his throat again. “It was Zayn.”  
Silence. No one said a word. They were all looking confused, shocked. Almost as if they were trying to figure out if they've heard right.  
“What do you mean? It was Zayn?” Liam seemed totally out of place, as if he couldn't understand what was just going on.  
“Zayn hurt him. Like he beat Niall up. I interrupted him yesterday and send him to hell. And today he was acting as if everything was normal.”  
“Oh my God.” Paul croaked out, completely pale. “Zayn beat him? Like he … Why? For how long?”  
Louis sighed. “Since they started their relationship. And as far as I understood … with no particular reason. He just did it.”  
“Shit.” Liam said while he was shaking his head.  
“Relationship?” Paul sounded confused. “What relationship?”  
“Oh uhm … Zayn and Niall are a couple.” Liam explained but was interrupted by Harry.  
“No! They aren't really. I don't really understand it but Niall doesn't love Zayn!”  
“You knew it?” Now Louis was confused.  
“Sure I did. He loves me.” Harry said and looked around kind of indignant. “Now it makes sense that he didn't leave Zayn. He was scared.”  
Louis didn't understand anything. What was Harry talking about? And why was Liam so pale out of a sudden and looked so damn shocked, now that he listened to Harry.  
“Oh shit. And I told him to sort things out with Zayn. Damn it. I made it worse. I should have left him with you, Harry. I'm sorry.”  
Harry nodded and looked at Liam. “We didn't know. I don't think it was your fault. I should have figured it out when I noticed the bruises.”   
Paul hid his face in his palms. “Is there even more, Louis? You don't look as if you're finished yet.”  
Louis blew some air out of his mouth. Now came the really hard part. He was wondering why at least Liam didn't understand it yet.  
“Zayn raped him. Over and over again.” He said pretty quiet and looked to the ground. The words alone were so disgusting on his tongue, he couldn't imagine how Niall must have been feeling then.  
“No.” Whispered Harry and shook his head pretty hard. Then he repeated louder “NO! No he didn't! Not Niall. No!”  
Louis bit onto his bottom lip for a second and wanted to take Harry into his arms, but Liam was faster.  
“That's so horrible. I can't believe it, oh my God.” Came from Paul and he looked as if he was about to throw up. “I'm here to protect you guys. And I didn't protect Niall. I didn't even have a clue.”  
“No one of us did. But we have to stop Zayn now.” Louis said and tried to look as strong as he could. He knew he failed. Everything was just too much.  
“Wait!” Liam breathed out and his eyes were widened in pain and shock. “Does that mean … the times in the tour bus, when we heard them … Zayn forced Niall?”  
Louis just nodded and with that, he saw Harry drop onto the floor, a loud sob leaving his mouth.  
“What do you mean?” Paul sounded confused.  
“Zayn even raped him when we were only about a metre away.” Liam explained and tried to hold Harry up.  
“Zayn never seemed like a brutal person who would do something like that. He's always so kind and loving.” Paul said and now he looked sad.  
“That's true. But now we really have to help Niall. I mean, it's Nialler. Our little band baby. We've to protect him at least now.” Louis tried to explain and earned nodding.  
“I want to hurt Zayn right now!” Liam grumbled out and looked pretty dangerous.  
“One of us should talk to Niall at first. I mean, I kind of really want to call the police, but we've to make sure that Niall's okay with that!”  
Louis looked around, expecting the others to say something. Harry did.  
“I'll talk to him! But you guys go to Zayn. I want him to know that it's out and that he'll never be able to hurt Niall. Make him regret!”  
Normally Harry was such a lovely person who never wanted to see anyone hurt. But he was fair as well. And as much he wanted to spread love, Niall was clearly more important right now. And he seemed furious about the thought of Niall being hurt and raped by one of their friends. Someone he had trusted.  
“Alright, Harry. And tell him that we'll be by his side, no matter how he decides. And he shouldn't be caring about the band and management too much. We'll sort it out!” Paul said and Harry nodded. The curly haired boy stood up from the ground in front of the couch and left the room without saying another word. Louis could only hear him sobbing again when he closed the door behind himself.

Louis, Liam and Paul walked over to Zayn's room. Together. Louis wasn't really in the mood of talking to Zayn. He'd rather hurt him pretty bad right now, but when Zayn opened the door, he hold himself back. They didn't ask if they could come in, they just did. Zany didn't deserve privacy any longer anyway.  
“What's up?” The black-haired boy wanted to know and frowned his eyebrows.  
“Sit down!” Liam demanded and didn't seem to let any objections be said. Zayn did, obviously noticing Liam's mood.  
“What is it?” He asked again and sat down onto his bed.  
“Are you fucking kidding me, you little piece of shit? I trusted you! We trusted you! Niall trusted you! How dare you hurt him in ways like that? And know being so canting! Are you out of mind? I desperately want to hurt you right now!” Liam shouted and Louis was sure he had never seen him so angry before.  
“What are you even talking about? What is with Niall? Is he hurt?” Zayn honestly dared to say and Louis saw Liam explode. To be fair, he was short to exploding as well, and Paul didn't seem to feel any different.  
Liam darted forward and pushed Zayn onto the bed. “You're such a prick, Zayn Malik! You know exactly what I mean!” Liam screamed and slapped Zayn against the cheek. Hard! “You hurt him, you beat him and you fucking raped him!”  
Zayn's eyes widened, then there was a mocking grin on his lips. “Did he say that? He wanted it! C'mon guys you know me! I'd never do something like that! He wanted to have sex with me and I never beat him up. He liked when I was a bit rougher, if you understand. And what you saw, Louis. That was hilarious. Not that a big deal, really. We were just playing around, you know?”  
He sounded almost as if he believed the shit that was leaving his mouth himself. But Louis knew way to good that it was just rubbish. Even though Niall had tried to convince him at the end of their conversation that whatever Zayn was doing, was okay. He had seen Niall before. He had seen the way Zayn had hit him. And he had seen the way Niall had been behaving when Zayn had touched him the whole day long. He knew Zayn was lying. And he knew Niall was very scared and very hurt.  
And Zayn's words only made him angry. Niall was their band baby. They had to protect him. No one ever dared to hurt this little cheeky lad! Not Niall! He saw red. He dashed towards the bed and his fist collided with Zayn's jaw before he even knew what he was doing. Liam was right next to him and hold the Bradford Boy down. Louis hit him a few times more, until he finally calmed down a bit again.  
“How dare you say he wanted it? How dare you hurt him in the first place?” Louis gasped out and shook his head disbelievingly. That wasn't the Zayn he knew. That wasn't his friend.  
“Zayn, Harry's talking to Niall right now. And whatever Niall wants … he has my support! Don't ever talk to him again! Do you understand me? I never expected one of you boys to do things like that! And I swear I am so angry right now, you can't imagine! So overthink everything well before you act right now!” Paul said and Louis believed every single word he said.

(Niall's point of view)  
“Niall? Please open the door.” Harry's voice sounded through the closed door when Niall opened his eyes. He had been falling asleep the moment he had let himself drop onto his bed. He was still so exhausted. The whole situation was too much.  
“Niall?”  
“Yeah.” Niall croaked out and cleared his throat as he stood up from his bed and walked over to the door. He pulled it open and a second later, he had curly hairs in his face and Harry was sobbing against his shoulder.  
“What - ?” He started but Harry interrupted him.  
“I'm so sorry I didn't notice. I should have helped you. Oh God. It's so horrible. I never thought Zayn was treating you like that.”  
Niall clenched in Harry's arms. He knew. Why did Harry know? Had Louis said something?  
“What do you mean?” He tried to pretend not to know.  
“You know what I mean, Niall. Please … don't act as if you don't. I love you so much. You hear that? I'll help you from now on. I promise. I love you.” Harry sobbed into his neck now.   
“It's okay.” Niall tried to sooth him, but when Harry pulled back again and looked into his eyes, sad and worried, he slowly started to break down. Harry shook his head.  
“No.” He said and a pitiful smile formed on his face. “It's not okay, Ni. You're allowed to cry. You've went through a lot. You don't need to say that it's okay anymore. It's over. He won't hurt you again. You're allowed to cry, love!”  
And finally Niall's walls broke down. He started crying. Slowly at the beginning, then heavier. He started sobbing and sniffling and more and more he started to realize that it was finally over. The others knew and somehow he really had the feeling that they were able to prevent Zayn from repeating his actions. They believed him. They didn't push him away and they didn't seem to be disgusted by him. Harry was here. He was standing right in front of him and pulled him into his arms now. He was holding him, soothing him. He whispered comforting little words. He didn't seem to leave. He had told him that he loved him. Maybe that was the truth.  
Niall trusted Harry. More than anyone else. So probably it was true. Harry loved him. Zayn wouldn't touch him again. He was free. Everything was okay.   
“Really? Is it over?” Niall asked with a broken voice. He was so unsure.  
“Yes it is! I promise you.” Harry answered and hold him a little bit tighter. “There're only two things left now.”  
Niall stiffened. What would it be?  
“What?”  
Harry took a step back again, to look into Niall's red rimmed eyes. “Do you want to call the police, or …?”  
“NO! No police. It's … I don't know. Just no police. Maybe he can … he can … Harry I don't want to see him again.” Niall sputtered out.  
“Okay. Yeah I understand. I'll tell Paul later.” Harry said and leaned forward. Just a little bit, but he and Niall were so close already, it only took him a few inches to connect their lips. “I love you so much, Ni. And I'm by your side, I hope you know that.” He whispered against the blonde's lips.  
Niall nodded. He knew. Now that Harry told him all of it, he couldn't do anything else but believe him.  
“And ...” Harry pulled back again. He looked careful. “There's something else.”  
“What?”  
“You're body … you're covered in bruises, Niall. You've gotta see a doctor. I'll stay with you the whole time if you want me to, but you really have to go to a hospital.”   
“No! Harry I don't want to go to a hospital.” Niall protested.  
“You're still in pain, I can tell. Do you think … maybe something's broken?” The curly one started chewing on his lip. He seemed very worried right now. Careful and worried.  
“I dunno.” Niall said. He figured that he probably shouldn't lie. “Maybe. My rib is the worst.”  
Harry released his breath in one quick go. “May I see it?”  
“Yeah.” Niall croaked out and slowly lifted his shirt. Harry looked down. Niall's whole body was covered in bruises. His stomach was blue and violet and his ribs were swollen and in an alarming dark shade.  
“Oh shit.” Harry breathed out. “Niall you can say whatever you want to … I'll bring you to a hospital!”   
Niall kind of knew that Harry was right and that he didn't have a choice really.  
“But now … I should tell the lads about what you said because of the police. They're with Zayn at the moment. Is that okay? I'll be right back, yeah?”  
Niall just nodded and turned around. He went over to his bed, but didn't sit down. He heard Harry remaining for a few seconds, then the door opened, but didn't close completely. Niall didn't care. He just stood there. Staring at the bed in front of him and trying to catch his breath. He didn't know what was going to happen the next days. But everything seemed better than the past days.  
He had no idea how long he was standing in front of his bed. He felt numb. Disbelievingly. He was overwhelmed but happy at the same time. It was over. Zayn wouldn't touch him again.  
He flinched a little bit when he felt arms wrapping carefully around his waist. But when he got pulled against the warm body behind him, he smelled Harry's scent. It was calming and he felt better immediately.  
“I don't want to start a discussion right now, but Paul told me to advise you to go see a psychologist. It's just a suggestion, but I think it's a good idea. Maybe it's too early to talk about it, but think about the option, yeah?”  
Niall nodded. Deep inside of him he knew that he had to see a psychologist. It would help and he should try to get the whole thing out of his system. But not now. There was enough time to think about it later.  
He had only one question left. “What are they going to do with him?”  
Harry seemed to know what Niall meant. “Paul and Liam will talk to the management tomorrow. But as far as I understood … they were more than just sure, that Zayn will leave the band. He didn't seem too cooperative but I don't think Liam and Louis will give him a chance to refuse. He'll leave and you won't see him again. You're sure about the thing with the police, yeah?”  
“Yes I am. Definitely.”  
“Good.” Harry said and pressed a soft kiss against Niall's cheek. “It's not that late … but maybe we should sleep. I've got the feeling you didn't sleep that much the last time.”  
Niall nodded and dropped himself onto the bed in front of him. He crawled under the already messed up blanket and looked behind him then. Irritated.  
“What? Aren't you going to stay here?” He asked in a small voice.  
“Do you want me to?” Harry seemed pretty unsure.  
“Yes. Harry please stay. I … I feel better when you do.” Better … yes, maybe. But above all he felt safe and loved when Harry was around him. Especially now that he didn't have to fear Zayn coming in and punishing him for staying with Harry.  
“Okay.” Harry croaked out and cleared his throat. “Do you have anything to wear for me?”   
Niall nodded over to his suitcase. He was thankful that Harry wasn't going to strip down right now. Harry was a nudist and didn't have any problems with sleeping naked. But right now, Niall wasn't sure how he'd react to a naked man in his bed. Even if it was Harry.  
Dressed into a Niall's favourite pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, Harry crawled into the bed next to Niall. He hesitated at first, but then he put his arm around Niall's shoulder and pulled him against his warm body.  
“I'm here for you, okay? No matter what. And if you want to talk, feel free to. You don't have to keep quiet, yeah? I won't leave, Nialler!”  
Niall smiled and nuzzled his face into Harry's neck. He didn't want to talk just yet. But maybe … with Harry's help … he would be ready to talk about it later. 

End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all ... sry for not posting yesterday .. I still had to correct the last chapter and it took me a bit longer. Then I was crying for 3 hours over Zayn's high notes in You & I again (honestly how can you cry for 3 hours over a few seconds of a god damn song? Don't know what's wrong with me) ... I was angry that I made Zayn look so bad in the story, cause he's such a nice and loving human being hehe xx Good before I start drooling :D I decided to make Zayn much nicer in the next story and someone else the bad boy :D ^^
> 
> Anyway ....
> 
> Thanks so much for reading xx   
> This is the end and I'm really thankful for every single comment to the story. I hope you liked it and maybe come back when I'm posting a new story.

**Author's Note:**

> SO this is the first fanfic I'm posting here. And it is the first fanfic I'm writing in English as well. I'm not a native speaker ... so if you see any mistakes ... feel free to tell me.  
> Of course I hope that you guys like my story and let me know. :)  
> The story is finished already so I'll post the next chapters soon


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